Things I did on Tuesday that I feel proud of

1. I did 2 classes and hit 2000kcal
2. I woke up early
3. I felt healed from my illness on Sunday and Monday

Things I look forward to

1. My birthday
2. Meeting friends
3. Having time off
4. Seeing T after so long

 Dear Diary,

I get regular flash cards of advice, life situations and so on. It helps to periodically get these advices so as to remind me of gems of wisdom from the worlds of science and spirituality.  (I've written this set up repeatedly, I write the same set up because it's my therapeutic practice to keep affirming good and useful things).

I have just come across a couple of things that felt relevant to me.

Avoid perfectionism and embrace mediocrity

What's worse, getting some things done in an imperfect way, when its only 40% of what you intended to do. Or planning for the 100% and end up getting >40%. Objectively and from the perspective of the events having already happened, there's a clear winner. But when I'm in the situation, I can't distinguish between the mediocre and the perfect strategy. I keep thinking there's still a window for the perfect strategy. The reality is, the window gets smaller and smaller. Perhaps I just need to focus on the bare minimum. Then see how it goes from there.

Another way of describing this is Satisfice or Minimise. Both of these have different meanings.

Anyway. That's the end of my therapeutic writing. 

 On Monday I lost my under armour face mask. I got stressed about it

On Wednesday I was trying to buy another one but it wasn't in the store. Then I saw on google/which magazine that the particular face mask model that was on sale has been very recently taken off from sale because of a carcinogenic chemical that it contained. That was fucking scary to read. 

Anyway I bought a new mask, a different brand. That under armour one was a favourite. But I'll never wear it again. Or if they make a new model I'll buy it then.

 What's the most honest thing I could say this week. I suppose it is that I feel like I have too much work to do and I think I should go part time. I think that I need more time away from work.

Let's do ABC PLEASE

Accumulate positive experiences: Maybe go to classes this week

Build mastery in activities: Keep good habits like sleeping and getting up 

Cope ahead: 'Hey google, set an alarm for 9am'

Physical illness prevention: I didn't buy chocolate today. 

Low Vulnerability to disease: 400g of strawberries does that count?

Exercise regularly. I cycle everywhere now, plus I try to go to the gym about 5-6 times a week

Avoid mood altering drugs: I got doctor pepper, does that count?

Sleep healthy: I need to sleep soon I must admit

Eat healthy: I got a pack of salted peanuts does that help? I did have some salad on Monday

Plan for sunday

Read papers and catch up

Logging catch up 

W24 catch up (+ W 23 catch up?)

TV watching

 3 things I'm positive about today (saturday)

• I cleared my NPS tasks
• I did a lot of my encyclopedia project work
• I bought the newspaper for Saturday. 

 ABC PLEASE

A: Accumulate positive experiences. I could have done better on that perhaps. 

B: Build mastery in activities. I did 20 miles cycling in a day, but I think I need to be more broad

C: Cope ahead. I'm sort of working on that right now

P: Physical illness prevention. I did some physical activity this week

L: Low vulnerability to diseases. Fewer sugar drinks would help

E: Exercise regularly. Pass

A: Avoid mood altering drugs. I think I'm good

S: Sleep healthy. I've been doing a lot better this week

E: Eat healthy. Except for today I think I've done better this week.

Mantras

 I organise myself through google keep and habitica.

I think the best way to describe some things are to say that I set up mantras that repeat every few days for myself. I have emotional / difficult situation flash cards that come up. But I also have things that are distilled wisdom from articles in psychology, conclusions from research or advise from people from 'guru' type people. So yes, I have repeated mantras. I find it useful in my diary to write about some of them. 

Some that are really helpful for me right now are: 

Stick at it. 

Repeat to yourself: it's not easy

The future begins with now. 

I need to deal with a bunch of admin and housework, some logging and planning. The future begins with those tasks. I might not have many spoons right now but everything is based on the tasks I've set for myself. I just need to execute it and follow the pre defined plan.

Onwards. 

Also: I've discovered a song just now that I really like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDMTER8C2FU

The unimaginable zero summer by Wilderun

 My hopes for the future

A life without agoraphobia

A life with friends

A life with love

A life with significance

A life with purpose

A life with more money

A life with better health

A life with good positive relationships

A life without toxicity

A life with peace

A life without worry

A life with stability

A life of indepdendance

A life of fun

A life with hope

A life with planning

A life with a future

A life with resolve of the past

A life with barbqeues

Things I appreciate

It's difficult lately. Dealing with some really heavy stuff at work, I've put a lot of my life on pause for it. 

I think I'll mention the things I appreciate in life

• Mum
• Dad
• T*
• The boys
• Supportive colleagues (or who attempt to be)

 abc please

A- Accumulate positive experiences: Gym tonight?

B - build mastery in activities that make you feel confident and not helpless: how about having a good routine?

C- Cope ahead, prepare and rehearse situations - do this for the rest of today?

P: Physical illness prevention - no bad food and keep active

L: Low vulnerability to diseases - might have compromised this with workplace stress

E: Exercise regularly 

A: Avoid mood altering drugs (creatine?)

S: Sleep healthy (last night was good?)

E: Eat healthy. I did have a cup of broccoli. But it was with burger and chips.

 Things have gotten a bit rough lately. Really worrying developments. 

Perhaps, I thought just now. I should just think about the things in life that are good. 

I like cycling. I discovered the joy of two wheels during the lockdown. I love the confidence I have when I'm on the road. I love going at faster than walking pace. I love that it's not a car. I love that I save money for bus journeys. I love cycling to Waitrose. Waitrose has a lovely bike bay at the front of the shop, I can get The Sentinel paper at Waitrose and competitor publications. I love the quaint englishness of Waitrose. A lovely deli/butcher, a nice cosmetics section, sugar free soft drinks. Sometimes a reduced pastry. 

I also love a full English Breakfast. There's one at my caff around the corner. A lovely Turkish family run place and they know my preference. Set 1. Fried slice, sourdough bread, a sausage and couple of bacon rashers. Tomato and baked beans, a fried egg on top of the fried bread. It feels like heaven, it feels safe. 

My mind isn't very well at the moment. I'm struggling. I need to remember the things that make life beautiful. I need to remember the things that I think are important. Remember little goals. Here are a few:

• Continue with your savings
• Be active 
• Regular gym and classes
• Get bodyfat down
• Get weight down
• Good diet
• Plasticity of mind
• Positive personal relationships
• Music?

Dear diary.

I'm using the blogger app on the phone. I didn't realize I could do this. 

It's 5:15am. June 2021.

I'm really worried about some stuff at work. Hostile environment. Heavy job targets. Behind at work. Some communications issues. 

I worked through some stuff tonight. Between 11pm to just about 15mins ago I was doing some reading, archiving and I watched a moving documentary. It's the British summer time now and the cold weather is still a warm memory to me. I think the moment that the weather really turned was just about 2-3 weeks ago. 

The early sunrises are welcome. They disorient my insomnia. The ideal would be if I were to sleep now and wake up at 7am. If I were up at 7am and feeling fully refreshed I would maybe go for a breakfast or a bike ride

 

Fuck it let's be ambitious. We would go to the gym in the morning. Get home, shower, have a fruit breakfast and a coffee. Then I would start work and listen to BBC Radio 4's today programme. 

Morning conference at 10am. Then work into lunch. Maybe I'll get some deep work done. I'll be finished by 4pm, even I'll have done my non priority tasks, TV watching and some magazine reading.

Then I would go to the gym early at 5pm, I'll have a good pump and then go off to body attack class. Because I read the Aeneid just earlier I will go for some lamb Ribs as I was hankering at Dido's offering to the Trojans.

My mind is slowing down now and I can't sustain lucid thinking or this fantasy of my perfect Friday. 

I think it's instructive and useful for me to think like this. To think about what I really want and think about what's really important for me. 

Onwards to bed