Gratitude

3 things I'm thankful for.

• Supportive colleagues
• the ability to take time out
• a safe bed
• food, warmth, the maslow shit
• (I know I've gone beyond 3) mum and dad
• family
• podcasts
• rest
• time off

 so today, the PM announced the 5 steps to the end of lockdown. 

I'm only beginning to reminisce March 2020. How traumatic it was. I remember going into secret briefings, talking to colleagues about a separate (non-covid) emergency at work, then when I came back, 2 colleagues sent home, the next day, 3 colleagues sent home. By friday nobody was in the office and we were told only to come in unless necessary. I remember the soundtrack to my early pandemic was ozzy osbourne's album. It wasn't that long ago, was it? or was that a long year?

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Let's do ABC PLEASE for the week.

A - Accumulate positive experiences. I've been focussing a lot on work, i've been cycling a lot. I've been sleeping healthily. I have reduced my procrastination. I also have fewer spoons to do the things I want

B _ build mastery in activities that make you feel confident. My bike is a bit worn down. I need to get it repaired

C- cope ahead. A lot of things revolve around sleep health, diet and my bike. I need to sort out my bike, diet is a constant issue to be vigilant about. Sleep health has been good lately

P - physical illness prevention. I've been eating fruit and yoghurt for breakfast. I also had a bit of veg for dinner. I could have done better though. 

L - low vulnerability to disease. This morning was hard to wake up, but I felt if I kept on my routine for the morning I'd keep mentally and physically healthy. I was right. I think I might be allowed to sleep soon (S is done) 

E - exercise regularly. I've been reducing my exercise actually, partly because when I go out in the morning I'm aiming for a strict start at 10am, I have done the routine enough times where I know I have to rush a bit

A - avoid mood altering drugs. Maybe my new drug of choice should be spicy food!

S - sleep healthy (see L)

E - eat healthy - fewer takeaways would be good

3 things im positive about today

• I got lots of things done today. It's not even 9pm and I might have actually finished all my chores and admin for today. I did have to make a decision to focus on some things and not others
• I woke up early today. For the past 3 weeks I have beaten my insomnia and it's been really nice for me. I have a new routine that involves cycling
• Mum and dad are supportive to me 

Things I'm positive about in the future

• possible pay rise
• getting my bike repaired in the near future
• podcasts that make me feel good
• routine
• changes to routine

Apparently there's a big announcement tomorrow about the pandemic. People are feeling excited about it.

 

I woke up early, but went out late on the bike as it was a saturday and no urgent requirement to get in for 10am start at work. I got some groceries and decided that after a few days in the shed, I should set up my new bike stand. The bike stand was surprisingly easy to set up. The difficulty was in servicing my bike. I didn't even get all of the work done on my bike. I was focussing on a deep clean to clean the gearset, clean and re-lube chain; clean the wheel hubs and body. I then noticed my rear gears were extremely worn down. I smoked a Davidoff Churchhill late hour afterwards but I felt quite tired after. I thought at first it was the cigar but I think the whole week in general has worn me down. I have had a lot of worries at work and it has gotten very hostile. So I spent the rest of the day resting. At the very least I got some essential cleaning done on my bike with my new bike stand. It is much easier with a suspended bike than having it on standing on the floor. 

Also today, the weather was between 9-12 degrees, I was dressed in my winter/ice outfit but I found that its a lot warmer outside and I was actually sweating as it was too hot with my outfit. I'll decide in future I think to adapt my clothes. It feels like a mark of a change in seasons. This winter was especially difficult

14:19 21/02/2021

 gratitude: 

Mum and dad

The delivery man who delivered my bike stand

internet providers

the staff at waitrose

supportive colleagues

family and friends who check in on me

Virgil's aeneid

 I got a bike stand today.

A friend of mine gave birth, quite a few people giving birth at the moment. 34-36 seems like the mode year.

a colleague breached data protection laws.

I have a new routine where I get up around 7am, cycle to waitrose, cycle along the park, get home for 9:10, breakfast of fruit and coffee and a bit of dairy. Start work at 10am.

I'm angry a lot. someone leaked a document with my name on it and intentionally to cause harm. I don't know who i can trust at work.

I want mcdonalds. self soothing. 

I better just get on with my chores. I've set some concrete tasks for tonight.

 ABC Please

Accumulate positive experiences: What counts as positive experience when I'm at home all the time?

It's nicely snowing outside, its a beautiful view. I have also cycled a bit lately

Build mastery in activities you feel confident in: I'm working a lot more in my admin and I got a fair amount done, there's more to do but I feel like every day I have gotten a bit of groundwork done

Cope ahead: that's sort of what the admin is for. But I think I could do a lot more. I've just gotten quite tired when I do too much admin or too much reading. 

Physical illness prevention: I could cut down on junk food, by that I mean takeaways

Low vulnerability to disease: if I have good sleep health, good diet and good activity, I can beat this

Exercise regularly: Cycling. It's snowing today. Perhaps I'll consider an alternative to cycling. 

Avoid mood altering drugs: Junk food

Sleep healthy: I've done really well at this lately. I just need to keep it up. If I keep busy through the morning, afternoon and early evening, I wear out by the night time. Then I wake up really early. I'm okay with that. The last few hours my brain is totally worn out though

Eat healthy: avoid those quavers, avoid takeaways. That's easier said than done for me. Also avoid buying those desserts. The acceptable desserts are: cream with your coffee, strawberries. That's it.

My friend from school is at a panel event on key workers at work. I'm so proud of him. Looking forward to it now...

 its 7:23

I know someone who is expecting a newborn any time now. A few people have little ones now. Life changes for many of my peers.

Today I'm up. The past few days I've had a routine where I wake up extremely early, borderline 'middle of the night'. I try to stay in bed for the first few hours, then I get up and then face the day in the pretence of an ideal day. 

I visualised a few weeks ago: the idea of an ideal day, a day where I get lots done. It felt impossible back in late december and early January. The skies are turning a bit. Sunrise getting earlier, I am also waking up earlier, at least that's the case for the past few days. I hope to keep this up. I have made a routine lately of cycling at night. I'm cycling during the morning this week, I get my morning grocery shop done and then I go home, start the day. I am exhausted by 7pm but that's okay. I just rest and then eventually sleep by midnight.

Can I imagine for your indulgence, a sketch of the rest of today:

7:27 writing this article

7:40 finish writing this article and thinking how long that took.

7:42-7:50: getting ready to go outside

7:53: on the bike to waitrose

8:15: locking up my bike

8: 23 : I buy the saturday sentinel, maybe i buy the spectator, I buy courgettes, strawberries, mushrooms? some crisps, a stonebake pizza, some lemonade cans (as per my favourite); a huge beef of beef rib.

08:45: cycling around the common, I decided at  0729 not to do this but I spontaneously decide I want to as I'm in the beautiful mild air. 

09:14: getting in home, I fold my bike

09:25: unpacking my bag, I still have my fleece trousers on

09:40: maybe make some coffee, I eat some yum yums perhaps?

09:55: just getting out of the shower, gosh its nearly 10am and I feel like I need to get on

10:03: back at my desk and fully showered etc, I wonder if I could have finished my bike ride earlier 

10:30: deciding (finally) what the plan for the day is. 

(a less realistic and more my hope for the rest of the day)

1100-1300: I read the paper

1300-1500: reading other past papers

1500-2000: clearing non priority tasks

2000-2300: taking a break/feeling tired/didn't get all my chores done

2300- : sleep, I didn't want to but that is just how it ended up. 

Oh, I finished writing this article at 0734. I guess I'm ahead of time?

Monday - a good day

 I write this on Tuesday where my day has every possibility of being like Monday, so lets talk about MOnday.

I woke up and felt really fresh at 7am. I started the day with a shower, I cooked a bit of food, I had a coffee and then I went to my desk. I started work. I finished work. I rested for a bit between 5-7pm before I felt ready (although exhausted) to go on a bike ride. I decided as I unfolded my bike that I'd only do a 4 mile cycle. I ended up doing 8 miles. I went to waitrose and I mainly got reduced price pastries, veggies and my staple of cloudy lemonade. It's £1.75 for a pack of 6 cans. I got home.

I thought about watching some telly, catching up on work. Instead I put a text to speech on an PDF about Kant's analyticity. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up at 7am this morning.

And repeat?

Anxiety levels are medium-high right now, but ... I managed to get stuff done. 

 ABC Please 

This week, well last week, feels like the previous one. This bloody lockdown 3 merges everything together. One thing I'll say is that it's been a long month since Christmas. Usually I feel quite sad after Christmas and New Years but this year there's no shortage of things to do.

So much in life is happening that I dont really feel I can pause to contemplate it. On the other hand I see many friends who are going through really big things such that I dont really have much significant things going on by comparison.

Anyway, I do this every week: let's go over ABC PLEASE

A: Accumulate positive experiences - i've been cycling a new (but still local) route, where I go up and down roads but not go far, I'm racking up higher miles

B: Build mastery in activities - Hmmm, I'm making more decisions about getting my tasks done more efficiently, that involves a bit of learning and a bit of insight into not getting too into things as I can get quite obsessive. I'm tackling my insomnia a little better lately (oh that's S, done). 

C: Cope ahead - I'm working on it, can I get back to you

P: Prevent physical illness. Cycling and eating more veggies, does that count? I'm really into Courgettes and mushrooms at the moment, I am eating lots of beef though

L: Low vulnerability to disease. Keeping active, good sleep health, veggies, the only soft drink I have (well almost only) is cloudy lemonade. Perhaps I can do better

E: Exercise lately. I cycle 5-6 times a week and I try to get a minimum of 5 miles a day. In addition I try to clock 50km for pokemon go

A: Avoid mood altering drugs. I had a couple of beers 2 weeks ago but no alcohol. I had a couple of takeaways, That altered my mood. It made me feel damn good! But not so good for the calories. 

S: Sleep healthy (see above)

E: Eat healthy. Mushrooms and courgettes yay; takeaway nay. I might have that waitrose pizza tonight... I also might buy some strawberries.

I like getting the free paper from waitrose. I don't know why I'm mentioning that. It just feels like a nice thing.