Plan for today:

Need to do:

• Keep on track with loggin
• read papers
• Be kind

Want to do

• Bike ride
• Sort out bike seat issue (lower the angle)
• Cleanning

Self care

• Eat well (i've been getting a lot of takeaway lately)
• Sleep well (not sleeping well)
• Be organised (i've drifted behind)

work achievements today

• Morning conference
• Emailing about onboarding issue
• emailing about an artist who contacted me on spec (3)
• emailing about new starter
• chasing up about some shifts
• updating new supplier details
• went to strategy meeting

anxiety is really bad today so I'm calling it a half day at work.

Things I've done:

• Cleared emails/kept workflow up to day
• Reading papers (most of the UK papers in fact)
• Sorted a new supplier issue
• A bit of P2P issue
• Cleared outstanding payment
• Routine payments
• Chasing a payment issue
• Saying hello to a new employee and letting them know their holiday entitlement  as they are onboarding this week

I'm riding a storm this week so now I'm just preparing for the waves.

Might finish that michael jordan documentary

working day:

• clearing emails
• payments
• checking security pass accesses
• read the daily paper
• checking shifts
• set up payments for last week's magazines
• set up payments for next week's magazines
• Meeting with editor 

My post an hour ago said I'm not having a good time of it right now.

I like to set generic goals for the day. Part of my process when I use the app Habitica. 

My three goals of the day are:

• Be Kind
• Make the end of today better than how it started
• Aim to improve yourself

I'm feeling miserable inside, angry. I'm not just angry, I'm using anger as a shield to hide that I'm hurt. Maybe I should just admit I'm hurt.

Once I do that I should get on with the day. get on with things, get things done. Therapeutic writing (like I'm doing now) helps. I have no shortage of errands to do I guess. I'll work on this now.

This is very hard to write right now...

Three positives

• weight and bodyfat at all time low
• Things going well with cycling
• Last night I got a really good amount of admin done to keep today clear

Things to look forward to

• Lockdown ending, it will end if we get the rate of infection low enough (R)
• There are some UFC fights coming up in the next few weeks that I could look forward to putting on in the background. It's grounding to just put a big 6 hour broadcast on, even though I might not understand it
• I have begun to find routine things very comforting, so having more tv series or podcasts to come on helps. I'm looking forward to whenever the next Joe Rogan comes out (tuesday). Again it's 2-3 hours of just laying down and listneing to a conversation. 

(not feeling well right now)

Things I did today (work)

• Answered payment query (forwarded to accounts payable)
• Illo payments 
• Headcount report 
• Answered another query 
• Emailed union about covid-19 concerns
• Weekly payments 
• Review payments
• Difficult request to P2P/finance team

Things I did today (not work)

• Woke up early
• received brompton
• attempt to ride bike (failed)
• better attempt to ride bike (4 miles
• Exhaustion/panic after physically challenging bike ride
• recovered from a nasty series of panic episodes

Today fees like the worst day to do this writing exercise but as my piano teacher used to say (to paraphrase): the worst time is the best time to do something.

Three things I am positive about:

• My colleagues value me, we worked on a collab today
• I had KFC after a long time. I ordered off deliveroo
• I had a new cigar today while going for a walk. It wasn't very good but at least I know that now

Things I'm hopeful about for the future:

• Restaurants will reopen
• More UFC
• I'll get my bike soon
• I'm committed to my weight loss

Things I did today (friday 15 May/lockdown) 

Woke up early

Watched morning news conference at work

did my payments

responded to an FTC contract issue 

(observing) an onboarding issue for a new staffer has been resolved

sorted out some logs for invoicing that has gone through

sorted out some invoicing issue with a documentary

sorted out some upcoming invoices to be sorted this month

Half day

---

went for a walk

fell asleep 

listened to quite a bit of an audiobook

watching UFC

takeaway

planning the next week

planning my reading

finishing non-priority schema

ruminating

trying to be kind

keeping busy

Things I've done today (work)

• Sent off a request to editorial systems for onboarding a new staffer
• Payments
• Sorting rota for the editorial cartoon (2)
• Sorting out HR admin for one staffer that I've put off for ages
• Sorted out HR admin for another staffer having a contract extention
• PR request 
• Magazine payments (last week)
• Magazine payments (next week)
• Sorting out more rota for production
• 2 hour conference call on LGBT networks

Other things:

• Cooking
• TV watching
• Feeling good
• wake up relatively early 
• commute was good, only took an hour from bed to desk
• had some snacks after work. 
• catch up with TV and podcasts
• Finished my bertrand russell audiobook

All in all. Except for my anxiety and fatigue, it was a good day.

Recent change: I've bought sparkling water instead of pepsi max to curb my comfort drinking. 

Things I did at work today:

• Payments
• Sorted problems with a tricky payment
• Sent out production rota
• Conference meeting
• follow up action (2) from meeting
• follow up ation (1) from meeting
• Planning for pride/set up meeting
• Playing melodica
• Social conference call

Dear Diary,

For Saturday I had 3 goals for myself: go for a walk/hit steps target, caloric deficit and watch UFC 249.

I didn't do any of those. I managed a walk at the start of the day to buy some papers, but I didn't go any further. I was working on some other admin today so I couldn't managed to get out. I also couldn't find a PPV option for UFC249. I liked that there is only one big sports event right now and so that seemed fun to watch. Maybe I'll catch highlights later.

What did I do today? let's make a list. I'm all about lists

• Bought papers/ went out for walk
• Didn't do passive eating/snacking
• Breakfast at home
• Cooked a big dinner 
• No additional meals today
• (preoccupation) thinking about buying a bike
• (researching) looking into buying a bike
• (event) saw a news story that bike usage is expected to and is currently rocketing
• suddenly decided to buy a brompton before they get sold out by the middle class bike wankers who buy them.
• I received my melodica, I played it a lot
• I played a bit of piano
• I played some more melodica
• I have been deep in reveries
• I did my admin: sorted out some reading, caught up on planning and I'm almost up to date on my records
• I watched a bit of TV
• I went t hrough half an audiobook: Betrand Russell today. I'm on quite a roll with audiobooks right now.
• Read newspapers and did my cutting out of words and sticking it into my diary
• Attempted and failed to check in on a virtual social

So how many things are that: 18 things.

Considering I didn't do the main thing I wanted, I did alright I think. A big part of what my work was today was about setting a plan in place for the rest of the week (Sunday) and the coming week to go to some kind of plan.

I've been thinking about what the end of lockdown would be like. I wonder if I could cope with the old normal. I was often tired, I had a sleep debt in the weekend and I was so ritualistically strict with things like the gym that I was systematically behind on my admin and reading . I feel like if I do go back to the old normal, it will be gradual

My achievements of the day

I'm trying to set 3 big tasks for the day every day. 

I'm also trying to make a list of things I've done in my work day to take stock of how much I've actually done.

I also (as my usual course) itemise all the things I've done. 

My big achievements of today

• Eat healthily (relatively achieved)
• Walking (related to the first)
• Get home and setttle down in time for my friend's facebook live performance

Three of these are related: eating healthily depend on how many calories I burn. Walking affects how many calories I can eat and how many I have as a deficit (deficit = weight loss). How I plan walking and eating affect my availability to listen to Michelle's facebook live gig.

I achieved these three goals

Work achievements today

I received some Emails from HR and the diversity specialist. I sorted out some of this months shifts, all of them in fact. I did some work towards getting an invoice paid out that took me a month last time. I made a beginning on a holiday spreadsheet that I've been putting off. 

Other achievements

I hit 13000 steps, I have a 1400kcal deficit right now. I have finished one audiobook and started another. I'm on track to finish 2 audiobooks tonight! I did some video editing. I did a fair amount of reading. I managed to finish work early. I feel good about myself. I bathed in the beautiful sunlight as I got outside and finally I've been thinking seriously about purchasing a bike. One of those folding bikes.

Thus concludes my day.

Things I have done at work today

I think I woke up and properly got up around 10:45 today. I did wake up maybe around 9 but I felt god awful. It took a bit of time tie adapt and settle in. The first thing I did when I got up was brush my teeth and weight myself. I thought to myself that if I can just brush my teeth, stand up and wash my face. The rest will follow. Brushing my teeth was the hardest thing. It really did feel hard. But then I thought: if I can brush my teeth, I can weigh myself. If I can weigh myself, I can tidy up my bedsheets. Then I thought I just need to sit on my chair and nothing else.l

Since I was at my chair and it was earlier than I usually start, lets just check the emails...

After that I have been at my chair almost consistently working and I did the following:

• Basic payments for the day
• Emailing about diversity and inclusion
• Emailing about a diversity audit (external)
• Emailing asking about LGBT policy for the audit, and other potential talks
• Sorted an invoice that's a month overdue (egg swallowing)
• Emailing about diversity audit (internal)
• Sorting out p2p invoicing issues
• Sorted out some pre-lockdown work commissions
• Filled out my inventory report 

Other things today:

• Lunchtime conference chat
• Playing melodica
• Playing piano
• Listening to about 6 hours of an audiobook

All in all. I think I have achieved a fair amount. It's 7pm now. I should go off for a walk now! 

Things I have done today (I feel low)

Today I woke up exhausted and got out of bed late. I had trouble finding motivation and I have been constantly distracted at work. I also feel that in the actual work itself I've been waylaid by people who have 'quick questions'.

I thought I'd list the (mostly) work things I've done today:

• Resolved an IT query
• Resolved an IT query that required higher up approval
• Sorting out a shift offers for an impending deadline
• Asking about shifts this month (working from home means I don't know whos doing what)
• Responded to an email about contracts (required some research)
• Sorting out separate invoicing issues (about three interrelated issues)
• Planning
• I had a lunchtime chat on hangouts with a colleague
• Planning workflow for the week

So that's 9 things and its nearly 8pm. 

Considering I started today properly at midday I think that's a success.

Okay now off to my walk.

Oh also I feel sad about overeating.

I've set a list of things to go over about life in lockdown.

Rumination

I can't help but notice as time goes on in this pandemic, I get older. My friends get older, my body gets more decrepit and more of my friends are getting on with their lives. I can't help but think, re-think and re process the early 2000s, im getting to the mid 2000s, a touch of late 2000s and a little it of last decade.

Piano

I've started playing piano again. It's deceptive. It's bringing back old memories. I'm not sure that's so good a thing.

Body

I'm not losing weight but I'm not gaining it either. I'm not working out. When lockdown eases I am so going to do the gym more often.

Relationships

Recent 'on this day' markers

2009
2010 - My Brother's debut album went out
2011 - After coming back from the gym, I found out that my piano teacher had died. On reflection it really marked a transition of my life. From one new routine and the ending of the marker of my old life.
2012 - [redacted lol]
2013  - I composed a set of pieces for an Edinburgh fringe show
2014 - Working at commercial legal
2015 - Went to an open day where my former headmaster was a principal of the college
2016 - my last shift on syndication

2018 - I gave a talk at Bristol University