so this thursday: things I did:

• Fatigue
• feeling low
• stupour
• Paid in for shambly work last month (not very much)
• Sent job application at the sentinel for a vacancy I saw just on the sly on wednesday
• Set up GCal diary for my working hours over June-July at the sentinel
• Body Attack
• Body Combat

...and that's about it really.

The past couple of days have really gotten bloody hot. It's affecting me possibly. Lately I've felt in a very intensive stupour and I do not like it. I'm wearing shorts inside the house and that's sort of a rule I thought I'd never break. At least I made a positive from doing 2 gym classes even though I wasn't feeling it at all, plus I sent off that job application which was a real egg swallower.

I am finding the transitions that come with the recent few weeks a bit disconcerting. It's the summer time. Summer is generally the 'happy time' and autumn is generally the 'sad' time.  Btu the thing was that this last year wasn't so much like that, and maybe that cycle of emotional patterns can be broken. Perhaps with a bit more money I can start enjoying life and start to build a life for myself. I got a letter today from work saying they were going to enter me into a pension scheme and it was an automatic opt-in thing. Which is great as I am a casual worker. I am also really glad that I got emails in the past week and beyond regarding cover bookings for work at the sentinel, when I was under the impression that I didn't work there after the 10 month period. I'm really confused. 

I think the thing is that they need me and I am a yes man when it comes to bookings. So it's gotten to 3am right now and I am a little bit worryingly aware that I have been sleeping late lately. Perhapst hat's because of the heat or perhaps its because of my strange enery levels, which I think begets itself if i keep sleeping late. I can't do this when I am working at the Sentinel. I am also cautious of the impact that working at the sentinel has on my anxiety levels. 

Anyway I should go to bed now. Might put that milton friedman audiobook on.