Tuesday, May 26, 2009

ANX-iety

Okay today was supposed to be an enjoyable or at least, a fairly straightforward day. I go on the train to my girlfriend's place, wait for a while, pack, cuddle, eat, fuck.

As I got out of the station I noticed that my landlord had called me. I feel anxiety. I call him, reluctantly; I managed to pass that stage. Upon calling him, he lets me know of the council tax bill. He said it was around 1800 (I am rounding up the nearest hundred). I panic, I pause, I move for a little while, I pace about the flat. Finally I decide, how I react to this determines my emotional wellbeing and attitude. My attitude is: FACE THE SITUATION.

I decided to be proactive. I am looking at my finances, incoming, outgoing. If I streamline my eating expenses to £40 and leaving about £150 emergency/unexpected bills/'you never know when...' to spend/save that £40. That leaves my incoming money plus housing/council tax benefit. I can pay about £800 next month methinks. The next month, £400; August, maybe £600 and at the start of september (my last month of the contract) I shall pay whatever remains.

I must stay true to my plan, make no pleasure/personal expenses, and fight this situation. In the meantime I must be more vigilant to apply for jobs. I am scared, but I must try to overcome this.

Also I noticed how fat I look

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