Thursday, November 20, 2008

A feeling

I got a bad feeling that I might not get a PhD...

I am really scared.

Also, I am not doing very much at the moment in my life while I am waiting. I really should do something, get a job or something, I don't know.

I don't want a job, but on the other hand, I'm not really in a position to complain.

I feel increasingly these days that I am becoming a burden on people, on Antonia, on my parents, my brother doesn't like me applying for a PhD. My parents don't approve, my mum talks as if I will fail and she already knows the result of my application.

I'm glad antonia is supporting me in some way, it is getting hard though. My heart feels heavy as I am waiting.

I am quite low in motivation at the moment. Stuck between hoping and despairing, yet experiencing neither. It is, quite simply, limbo.

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