Today, well just now, I went to get a reference. The guy said he thinks I'm not good enough for a PhD.
Perhaps its needles to say that it shot my confidence, perhaps it isn't. I have wanted to do a PhD for all my adult life. If I don't get into this I don't know what I am going to do with my life. I sucked up my fear and asked him, I sucked in my tears and took a chance.
I sat in the toilet for a near half hour. I sat on the toilet pondering whether I ought to purge. I don't get why I shouldn't purge; oh, other than the fact that my teeth really hurt and I've lost a lot of my rear tooth.
Please make this happen. I ask the powers that e who are above me, for those in control.. Please grant me this, my one wish of life.
Im sitting here in a common space at the university. I am using the internet here cos there isn't any internet in my home until 15th. Thus, not been able to post all of my thoughts and feeligns.
To purge or not to purge. I want control...I want control over my life, control over my feelings...I know its not fully realisable to have those things, but I desperately wish to have my dreams fulfilled. I feel really drained today. Maybe I'll just starve myself, that normally works out okay...
Current weight: 176.6lbs
Perhaps its needles to say that it shot my confidence, perhaps it isn't. I have wanted to do a PhD for all my adult life. If I don't get into this I don't know what I am going to do with my life. I sucked up my fear and asked him, I sucked in my tears and took a chance.
I sat in the toilet for a near half hour. I sat on the toilet pondering whether I ought to purge. I don't get why I shouldn't purge; oh, other than the fact that my teeth really hurt and I've lost a lot of my rear tooth.
Please make this happen. I ask the powers that e who are above me, for those in control.. Please grant me this, my one wish of life.
Im sitting here in a common space at the university. I am using the internet here cos there isn't any internet in my home until 15th. Thus, not been able to post all of my thoughts and feeligns.
To purge or not to purge. I want control...I want control over my life, control over my feelings...I know its not fully realisable to have those things, but I desperately wish to have my dreams fulfilled. I feel really drained today. Maybe I'll just starve myself, that normally works out okay...
Current weight: 176.6lbs
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