Monday, December 5, 2016

Hello readers.

So it's december. The cold times.

I almost always write this blog post with the tone of history or sadness.

But I dont know. I'm not really feeling that vibe at the moment.

My panic attacks haven't gone away. But life is moving pretty fast. I'm really involved with stuff at the sentinel. I'm on a contract now, which is great!

I spend a lot of time at the gym or exercising, which has changed my body quite a bit.

My childhood friend has emigrated to Australia/New Zealand for up to 2 years, another friend is going to move to Canada. The badminton group is going to stop at the end of the year.

In a lot of ways there are a lot of transitions for the people around me. I suppose there's a lot of transition or changing in myself too.

I've won £30 in bets this week, can you believe it? I can't. I'm a bit concerned I'll lose my next bet. The saying holds true: you are only as good as your last bet, or your last fight.

I'm worriyng about a lot of things. But I feel like its too boring to even talk about it on here.

Needless to say that I'm really busy with a lot of 'doing' and not much 'thinking' or 'planning' involved.

One thing that I find difficult is that with all the 'doing', my feelings and mindset have not adapted to all the changes going on. I haven't had time to emotionally come to terms with all the things going on. To put it in oversimplified terms. My heart is't catching up with my head.

I want to write more. I should write less about my past memories and how I valorise them, and write about the stuff going on now! Why should I have to wait until I'm 40 to say '10 years ago this happened when I was 30'. I'm 30 now. I should talk about it!

Having said that. My head is going a lot to 2007 around this time of year.

It was Marie's birthay party on 2nd December. I still have the song 'En Vie' in spotify to eternally remind me of my feelings of that time.

I think this blog (and the time in which it was highly relevant) still stands as a monolith of what seems heavy or significant to my life or my sense of self.

But...I believe that can change.

Perhaps I understand what Marie meant when she said: Let go.

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