Dear Diary,

lately I feel that reading anything particularly technical, like philosophy or music, upsets me and invokes a certain kind of adverse reaction.

Not sure if this is also related. Today I was pratciting clarinet in the garden. I felt very insecure, my breathing and tone was awful, my embouchure was fucked and my finger-tongue co-ordination is shot to shit. I felt very insecure, very vulnerable,inferior.

I need to work on clarinet a lot more, and piano. Back when my teacher died I picked up the instrument again and I've kept it up to some small degree ever since, however in recent months it's gone down a bit.

I've also made a bad decision just now to have a can of kopparberg after I walked home from the community garden. I am supposed to go to the gym in 25 mins but instead I feel drowzy.

God alcohol feels good, I miss drinking ciders.

In other news, I've got a new editor at work (one of about 5 editors I work under). We are having a big meeting later on monday morning. I'm scared and excited. I'm eager to please and yet I want to be as supportive and professional as possible. It's pretty cool that we are getting more female editors at work.