Thursday, August 18, 2016


The day I got my a level results. It used to be a big momentous day on this anniversary. However in recent years a reminder of things that disappointed me in life

2012 (marked in my diary)

The night out that was epic, that every time I retell the story in my mind it becomes more epic and probably more false. We saw expendables 2 with the guys, had a night out, my crew ended up in a girls house with two gay guys and all of them were trying to pull us. I gave my mate one of my condoms because he got lucky. He gave it back to me (not the same one of course!) a while later


I'm working at the TV guide today. just another day. I'm feeling a bit heavy set because of physical pain issues and so many things hanging on my mind and weighing my emotions down.

I went to the gym after work, then did a gym class. It sailed by and as I got home I bought a few ciders to drink and some beef to eat. I found as I got home that my new phone sim came in (which caused me an hour of grief to sort out the number {ongoing story}).

I then contract for work. I've been offered a job. It's a nice amount of K's, health insurance. I never believed it would happen. My self esteem must be so low that I feel undeserving of human dignity or respect. I have gone through a lot in my mind, experienced torments and night terrors that have distressed me that I cannot tell anyone about because they are so terrifying. My world and my life recently has been a torment.

Someone said to me recently that I can spend more of my time living and choose not to spend so much of my time re-living things. I work in a national paper where the big things happen that send waves around the world (except now as its slow news month), I've done it so much that I just call it thursday.

I need to take things at my stride. I am changing as a person lately. Perhaps these are the changes that were overdue. I am good at my job.

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