"When you were an undergraduate"

Except for when I am willing to talk about it.

I wish for no-one to refer to 'me' when I was an undergraduate as if I was the same person.

I remember in school we had this black girl with a lovely unique african name. Everyone in school used to tease her because it was different. She then changed her name, apparently, in secondary school as a teenager to fit in, and feel better about herself. She called hersefl Kimberley.

In some ways; I wish not to be remined of who or what I was as an undergraduate.

I look at myself in the glass while I sit here on the tain to my conference, with my black rimmed glasses, I see an old man; tired eyes, sunken, dark. Skin tired of life and energy, as if one is to be continuing on in such a manner for such length of time.

Kids are often asked, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I feel as if I do not ask myself that question in a way that is prospective to some future goal. I am asked it now, as an awkward question to which I cannot answer.

I am a coward because I find it hard to talk to girls

I am a coward because I find it hard to talk to Marie.

I'm a coward because I find it hard to send emails

Things I need to sort out:

i. PhD
ii. Money
iii. Place to live

All very dfficult right now...i feel like people will judge me for each decision