Friday, June 6, 2008

Dispassionate

I signed on to my uni email today; I wanted to email the HoD (scary man) about travel expenses to a conference. I saw an email from Greg, <no subject> on the inbox. I purged it immediately. Not even going to read it. I just deleted it.

Afterwards, I had a reflection, what exactly does this action mean? What exactly have I done? Is this a terrible thing? Am I a terrible person? Or, was I doing something defensive, doing something to move on from the past. Doing something, that the new me would do.

A lot has changed of late, and its scary. Antonia wants to have casual (non-relationship) sex with me. She likes the sex, she likes me. I am lonely, and I long for tenderness. I don't care if it seems like she is using me. I just want to be held. I might take up her offer.

Is this the new life I should get used to? Moving on from my antisocial friends, and moving forward into crazy sex?

I'm scared....I just want to be the little boy in parochial school again...

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