I have difficulties with memories increasingly. I find certain periods of my life difficult but I have found a consistency in which I am able to classify the eras. I am trying to remember secondary school, sixth form, uni days and the days after uni up to present day. I find that listening to songs help me to classify the years and give me memories. I dont think I'm able to remember memories in the way other people do. I find I'll find something and all the memories come back, like a totem, well not like a totem, a totem itself. 

So every few days I have rolling reminders on google keep about memories and songs and odd songs come up to give me ideas to add more memories on the list of different years and eras, it will be my intention to use this blog to write about some songs. I may write about some songs and memories repeatedly. I feel like so much has happened this week and these past few months wherin I haven't been able to stop and talk about it.

I also feel like it's difficult to have someone I can be close to and confide in where my emotions get in the way in some way. This week I reconnected with a former colleague from a few years ago and we met in a pub, things got ...very close after that from when we were chatting. we have all very suddenly felt a sense of attraction to each other. They are in another country and I don't think it will lead to any kind of conventional relationship. They are queer/poly type and I guess I am too and we are just going to be very close and special friends. One other close and special friend from a year ago is meeting other special friends and I'm dealing with my sense of jealousy about that. It's not anyone's issue but mine when it comes to jealousy but I mustn't let it affect how I act in other ways. 

In addition to that the jealousy reminds me of how empty my life is. I'll just try to finish my non priority schema tonight and work on some planning maybe. I am a bit ahead this week I think. I'm planning to meet J tomorrow for an hour before they go on the Eurostar.