Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Dear Diary,

In life you take the good with the bad.

In the depressive mindset, a single drop of bad pollutes the well.

Real life, sobriety as I call it, is about facing things as they are, not as they should be, or how you want them-- oh fuck me, I was trying not to be sanctimonious.


Things are good in some respects. I'm in a situation I never thought I'd be in that's good, and now that's my normal, and I take it for granted, but I shouldn't.
Things are okay, my parents are in relatively good health, my family are relatively alright.

Things are...something I'll learn to deal with: I'm in a situation I'd never thought I'd be in, that isn't so good. Now...it's my normal, and I'm separating the catastrophe from what I need to do.

The heatwave really fucks my brain up.

I'm learning that in terms of comfort and going to work 19-21 degrees are the top of comfort to wear a polo shirt, then its all sweat city.

I'm learning that in terms of mental acuity: 27+ degrees makes my head stupid and I struggle

I'm using the drops of my energy and mental focus today to plan the next few days. I'm taking some time off work. I thought I'd go on a mini holiday, instead I've found a bunch of shit to do. I'm also working on Lampe and improving his automation.

Because I don't post on here much anymore, things change more and more each time I post, things change so much that I don't even bother to mention it.

Lately I've been on a programme. A programme with all men, who have shattered or tortured lives. I'm coming to terms with some hard truths, I'm also growing with those men. I learn a lot about them and their lives, their troubles have become mine as I see them develop. But I am not so sure if I am growing myself in the ways that they are.

No comments: