I rarely blog these days.

I guess this is the situation I always wanted. I have a life now, quite a busy one, quite a serious one, quite a heavy one.

Blogging seems to be a bit old hat these days, a bit passe. I'm okay with that. In the past few years I'm less interested in having a digital footprint or presence and more about notebooks and other ways of being.

I've noticed a lot of GDPR emails, and a lot of things about how old features and services and APIs I was used to are now being phased out. I'm an old generation of internet user I guess.

As I realise this I feel like I want to be less on this online and digital world.

I'll still write on here, but more when I remember than anything. This is my old notebook, which I won't throw away, which will be for better and worse, my record.

It's full blown summer now. We really didn't have a spring, it seems.

I miss the cold, but I don't miss the late sun rises.

I went back to Bristol a while back. I thought it was going to be super resonant. It was for a bit, then I just wanted to go home. I've also learned that I really like hotel stays.

Today was a bank holiday, actually today is the day after said bank holiday. I went for a spontaneously planned BBQ and ate some lovely cooked meats. It wasn't that much, I knew my acceptable amount. I don't really eat a lot anymore.

I'm trying to lose weight again. I'm working well at it it seems. The key is to burn more than you eat. Do more than you eat in calories, More out than in. Also it helps if I eat less junk.

I've redefined in some respects my attitude to food. Food is a self soothing thing sometimes. Food has an emotional element. The key was to accept this, and think about accepting things as they are. Then facing each day as it is, and entertaining different possibilities.

I deliberately did more walking today, that was because I wanted to reach my step count. Tomorrow I wonder how much I will get done physically.

Life isn't how I wanted it to be, but its alright. I'm at a place where I can work forward. I'm finally in a staff job. I'm making more than 2 friends who have PhDs. I still wish I had a PhD. I'm now more thinking about mortgages. Fuck, I have a pension.

I'm glad that I still have my hair. I'm less thinking about comparing my life to others. I know that if I did, I'd fare better to most people in some ways, and not fare as I'd like to some people in some ways. I'm kind of in the middle, bottom middle but not quite the bottom. It could have very very easily have been the Bottom.

On the news lately theres' a lot of news about Bristol University suicides. It makes me think sometimes, but not too much. I think about it and then I get on.

Perhaps this blog will be my secret space to ruminate. I'll allow myself to do it, but...as you already know. I don't do it much.

I also write emails to myself in the future. I should do that more. I miss getting emails from my past self. It's time I will never get back, that past me gave to me through an email.

Anyway, I have some stuff to do before I go to bed.

Toodles