Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

I think that I have some very bad addictive problems. It's slowly eating my mind and I dont know if I can come out of what its made me. I feel very bad for how my compulsive behaviours are taking me to places that I don't like.

I got a lot done at work today. The Sentinel paper has gone through a wave of voluntary redundancies and there's a lot of red tape around all the administrative processes .

I spent a lot of the day watching netflix and iplayer documentaries. I must admit there's a good series on about 19th century social science wank figures (Marx, Nietzsche and Freud).

Something inside me is screaming. I've been training a lot lately. I did about 90 mins of weights and calisthenics at the gym today after work. I find that I feel a lot more energy, I feel that because I am less in pain and less tired and my appetite has less of an affect on my emotions.

For the past 4 days I've come home and sat at my desk. I've had a list, items in an agenda to complete a selection of tasks. Some of these tasks are quite long. One task is to write up a list of the 2016-2017 premiership football matches (for betting purposes where the teams are unbalanced). I don't think I'm even half way through.

Another thing I want to do is to keep up with my reading. I really need to be serious about this. Yes, I read a lot of broadsheets (working in one helps) and magazines but I need to catch up on journals. I need to catch up on what my friends from uni days are doing nowadays. I need to find out what the latest thinking on philosophical issues are. I also need to learn a lot more maths.

I have so many ideas for myself and so many ideas of what I want to be and who I want to be, that I'm not very good at actually realising them. Well, it's a matter of scheduling, and energy.

I've been reading a lot of news stuff. I am keeping up pretty well with my fitness routine (although I'm only as good as my last workout). I did 17 hours of training last week.

Perhaps the best thing I can do with all of my goals to be a musical-fitness-intellectual polymath is to get a good amount of sleep.

p.s. I feel very very lonely and isolated. I really wish I was hanging out with more people my age.

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