another update on my life:

My new years resolution was to observe a diet and fitness plan.

Guess what? I'm actually still observing it. I'm on month 3 of my 3 month plan. It doesn't involve determination and massive amounts of effort and willpower (well that's a lie, it does). The true key is consistency. The true key in the consistency of aiming for my better body isn't a bullshit prep talk or having some idea or platitude in your head that makes everything in your worldview seem rosy and inspirational in a way where you will go forth and change the world and yourself.

It's me, the key is me during any given time.

Its me during my 6pm break at work where I go to the canteen and I see food options: quinoa crisps or walkers? coke or coke zero? sushi or sandwich? Lasagne or salad?

It's when I'm at my desk and I think about getting a hot drink - hot chocolate or coffee? coffee or tea? milk or no milk?

It's when I finish the gym and I walk out: Fast food or not? Fried chicken or fish shop? Fish and chips or just squid rings? no chips or no can drink? walk home or bus home?

Lots and lots of little decisions.

Right now my deciusions are:

stay up and do desk stuff or go to bed and try to sleep?
tidy up your bed or pack your bag for tomorrow?
Pack bananas and protein flapjacks in your bag, or wank?
blog or not blog?
Leave clothes on the floor or hang them up?
Put dry clothes away or go to bed and do it later?
watch tv or work?
work or go to bed?

In fairness, my life system does mean that I've overcommitted to things I want to do and realisitically I must admit that I can't do it all.

I'm working on the system, It's not perfect.

I'm not perfect
I still feel my demons
I still have night terrors