Dear Diary,

Next month there's a family wedding. Everyone's excited about it.

On my mind, I'm thinking more about work and life.  In particular, life and death.

I believe (don't ask me how as it sound paranoid or supernatural), that I know certain details about my death. I know that I'll eventually be alone one christmas and I know that eventually I'll hear less and less from everyone around me. Eventually I'll be alone.

I had an episode today. Something shook me to the core of my being. DO you know those things whihc are so upsetting that you can't even acknowledge it and you just build it up as a thing in your head? Yeah its one of those.

I wish I could tell you all of the things that have been happening in my life lately. No, I haven't bought a house yet and no I haven't gotten engaged or married or had a kid.

I used to say that I worked part time, casual or 'full time ish'. Those things are still true, but I'm more on the full time -ish end of things. I'm also more on the 'could be a problem for the unions' side of things too. I'm possibly working too much.

I was emailed about march shifts for that sort-of subediting job that I do for 1-2 days a week. This month and last month I had a couple of 2-dayers. Over March I will have some 3-dayers, I might even have a 4-ey day. I'll be doing a sunday shift, which means - higher rate!

I've also been slightly more lucky with betting lately. But as it goes - you are only as good as your last bet.

This week was a '10 years on' thing about that Stephen Fry documentary on depression.

That documentary had a big impact on my life. It helped me come to terms with my demons. One of the insights from that documentary was that people don't get better by magic or drugs. The drugs help, and people live with the condition. I guess its comparable with cancer. People live with cancer, people manage it and people deal with life while having cancer. Of course I'm not saying its comparable in some moral or value judgement way. I just mean, when people are ill or unwell or distressed. They also have to live. Life happens before death.