dear diary,

I'm going through a panic episode at work.

I've got to deal with some extra shifts I've been offered (which is good). But I also have some problems in my real life that I have to deal with.

Next month I have to go to a stag do and a family wedding, and to be honest it's not really weighing particularly high on my mind.

I'm worried about lots of other things. Things of my own creation. Demons of my own creation. The worst thing about me is me. Despite all the things I do that are good, it only takes one stain to blot it away and that's all it takes. For that reason I am heavily attracted to the Christian (particularly Catholic) notion of mortal sin and the hope of salvation. I'm deeply concerned about salvation lately.

It's no coincidence that I've been reading a lot about Catholicism and watching lots of videos which are generally religious but many of them about catholic theology.

My heart is hurting in more than just the figurative way.

Also, it's lunch time and I need to eat.

Eating has become a chore to me lately. It's also become a demon. Food is a demon lately. I dont know who I am lately. I've not taken the time to stop and notice, or care about things like that. I'm too busy living. I guess that's a good thing. Not something to complain about. I'm constantly worried about unemployment or losing my life. It's causing my panic.