Dear Diary,

I'm living in a way as if I died at the end of the month. No, I'm not committing suicide and I'm not dying (not immediately soon anyway).

I will go through something wherein life will not be the same ever again and I may be a different person unrecognisable from before.

For now I've got to do all the boring stuff, get all the basics of living life down to a tee. I don't think I can do very much in my life, the things that I can do I suppose I will focus on. Today I've set up a to do list of things to get on with. I'll get on with that, I suppose.

I'm trying not to feel panic. I'm experiencing panic fairly regularly, and night terrors. It sucks. On the plus side, I think I'll get my contract renewed from June. That juicy money coming in will be good I hope.