Dear Diary,

I am posting less and less on here. Fear not. I'm not quitting this blog. Christopher Robin hasn't outgrown Pooh just yet.

Life's changing a lot. In ways you can't imagine. Things aren't great. But, once I accept that I have to ask myself: okay, now what?

'Now what?' is the question.

I've got to face the consequences of the mess that I've made of my life. Last week I was told that my contract at The Sentinel was ending soon. I told HR that I'd really like to still be considered for work there, the response from HR was: tell person J about it. Person J said in reply to my email: 'Thanks, C'.

I hope I can still work at The Sentinel. I don't think my life's very good at the moment, but it's my life, and I'll make of it what I can.

I have my demons facing me. My demons are very promient, very prevalent.

Lately I have been taking more to writing on paper. I feel that it helps me. There is something about paper that helps me. It also makes me realise that I can't rely on paper. I need this blog, but using paper makes me rely on the typed word less, even though it is what I need.

I'm working 2 days tomorrow. Yesterday I wrote up a pricing/spending matrix over the next 6 months.

I think that the next pay check after May will be likely at the end of July, which pays for August. Even if I get a job offer in May, I will still be paid next in August. As things currently stand, I will be working over the next