wedding observations (life is grey)

great wedding yesterday. Really tired today though and my thoughts aren't as lucid.

 

firstly: met some lovely women there, and some great men too. Although focussing on the women: one called me 'special' after hearing my piano playing, I got lots of compliments, some from actual musicians.

 

secondly: met my brother's ex girlfriend. Was it awkward? No. They seemed friendly and that was okay with us. It felt weird seeing her for a variety of reasons. Thinking about my brother for one, how awkward he got when they broke up and it started a downward spiral for him. My brother is better now, he's moved in with his current girlfriend. Also, I didn't realise how hot she was and I did realise that I found her attractive and fun and vibrant and an overall lovely person. Obviously she's off limits, but man...I must have been really drunk to have thought about this. There were some guys who were being a bit lecherous to her and I sort of helped her get away from that and disipiated their advances while also trying to make it look civil and amusing. I didn't feel comfortable with that kind of behaviour at a wedding, especially when it's my cousin's wedding.

seeing my brother's girlfriend reminded me of a lot of feelings. I was in the throes of my bulimia and doing my masters at the time. I also met Antonia and we were in love. Just having someone there from that period of time made me feel close to them. I think that';s the thing about memories and sharing them with other people, its a form of identity or identification that you have outside of yourself but also contributes to who you are. So in a sense, my memories of her and the times I had when I was with my brother and her have become quite a deep part of me. I miss those days, and even though it was a dark time, it had good moments. I think life is grey. Wonderful in some parts, horrible in others, sometimes both at once, often boring too.

there were lots of sad things happening around the wedding, bereavements, illness and so on. Beautiful moments in life happen contiguously with the ugly. Yesterday was a shining day. I think it is possible to have moments of joy in horrific times