soberiety

I observe people but I rarely get involved. I feel very strange about my night out which happened spontaneously as I ended up in a club with some friends. I chose to stay silent and not get too involved in their pick up routines but instead remain supportive and distant. It did make me feel a little left out at times, but it also made me seem accessible for my friends to talk about the other friends who weren't present at the time.

I observed much of them and listened to much of them. One guy motioned that we go to the club, because after losing lots of weight (I've mentioned him before), he thought that he is a different person. This guy insisted on going out and picking up girls, trying his 'routine', keep in mind that this is not really how I've ever known him as a person so this side of him seems completely new and unfamiliar. My friend Greg is trying to be a player.

Most of us observed Greg trying to be a player with girls to varying degrees of failure, we laughed at times at how ridiculous and overly heavy he approached women, but I had to comment that his courage is more than anything I would have done to approach new women, and that deserves some credit.

Greg was jealous of a few other friends who were 'successful' at charming women. One guy did silly tricks like dance like a fool and talk about how he plays so many instruments and showing off about little gimmicky things which are really not core to his personality. I told tony as the objective observer that they were amused by the frivolous artifice, but he should note how different people attract women in a variety of ways, so that he may find his own.

As an observer and a neutral/quiet party I was privvy to the honesties of many friends. One friend was feeling insecure so he drank himself silly, by the end of the night I had to make sure he didn't fall over or throw up in the wrong place. This is a role I've taken before. Another friend drank himself silly and bought rounds of drinks for women he didnt' know (who also happened to gravitate towards him through most of the night) reported to me taht he has sever liver scarring diagnosed recently. Seemingly, drinking stupidly is his way of dealing with it.

I felt comforted in my role as a distant observer, until I felt the need to imagine mia talking to me. I realised this was my cue for feeling insecure in public, so I didn't imagine mia and acknowledged this feeling of anxiety. While I wouldn't say that I was jealous of how my friends were forward with women, I was the only person sober and I did feel I was missing out on being drunk. If I were drunk I would have been more foolish and shouted and talked a lot of bullshit conversation pieces. I felt sort of comfortable by keeping sober among drunks.

My friend Greg is as shy around women as I am, but he is working on his issue. I found it anxiety riddling enough just to be in the club, especially when it wasn't set in Lampe to go there. This should perhaps count as my quota of one spontaneous and anxiety-filled social situation a month, don't you think?

As the observer I realised myself in these people. One guy drank himself silly because he was obviously shy with women and felt nervous. I know how this feels even when I chose to sit with my sobriety and anxiety. Perhaps the thing that gets me most tonight is the fact that one guy said he was upset at a comment i made when he was talking to some women. My friend was being sleazy and these women were seemingly offended by how cheesy his pickup lines were and how disgusting it is. I said to these girls that I apologised for their behaviour and they are being idiots right now. Apparently my comment cut very deep. I replied to his text saying that I was not apologetic, also its not cool to be so rude to women, especially when they are friends of a mutual friend's girlfriend who will hear back from those girls of our behaviour.

In short, staying sober sucks, but I think the guys who ended up drunk had a sucky time too, but even worse because it was drunken. This is a lot of data for me to understand today, I'm essentially telling a story where I played a very little part, but it reminds me of my own flaws.