After Marie

Well, I haven't heard from Marie really since that drunken night...

I guess I ruined it. I can't turn back the clock. During the whole Marie ordeal, I have come across a few other girls who have been very nice to me and seem to want to get closer to me; I've told you about Claire, I've heard from my friend Alan (a friend of Claire) that she is with another guy; god for her, I say. SHe's a lovely girly.

There have been a few other girls, there is this 26 year old mother of one who is very very hot who has been very kind to me, and suggesting that I should come over for a cuddle with her. The single mother (lets call her Antonia) does turn me on a little bit, and she seems like the kind of gal who has all the things I desire, she is intelligent, sensual, sexy, caring, yet independent, strong yet delicate. Very maternal, and that appeals to my oedipal side.

There is another girl; but her, I think more of a sister; or a teddy bear. I run an online support group and she has eventually come to be infatuated with me, I feel very flattered, but I must be responsible and I have told her that nothing can happen; because of the distance, and also because I'm just not in the same place as her emotionally. It feels odd to have so much female attention these days; and these wonderful and beautiful girls stating their intentions at me. But, I want Marie...and I just can't have anyone else right now, and if I can't have Marie, it just wouldn't feel right to have anyone else...ever...

I should just feel happy that there is such beauty in Marie that exists in this world, even if I can't have her as mine, I should just be happy that I know there is such an exemplar of the idea of beauty...

Conatus