I'm at my desk for once. It's mid point of september. setpember 15. I'm catching up on lots of notetaking I haven't fully been able to catch up upon since week 3 of July. Basically all of the summer. It's fair to say summer is over now.

I wanted to write about the 19th of July 2025. In the morning I went to do my running, then I went to step class. It was Annie's last step class ever. An explanation about Annie.

Annie was this young woman I got to know. Back around 2020 or 2021 she was a med or premed student and in 2025 she graduated from med school and since July 2025 or so she's become a full junior doctor on her first proper doctor jobs and shes' doing 3 doctor placements as 3 different kinds of doctor positions, one of which is psychiatry. Annie was really talkative and I'm not talkative. Annie would always get to know people and she was so nice and she was nice to me. An incident last year when I had to go to A&E because of my testicles meant I managed to leave hospital to get to the gym. I had a cannula in my arm.  

I probably told this story before. Annie came into the mens toilets realising I was going to pull the cannula out. I didn't know I'd lose loads of blood and it would all spill out. apparently its venal blood or whatever. Also when that happened, Annie was in the men's toilets with me almost on her own, she was rubbing my arm and saying stuff like 'it will be okay' and she made me feel like a little boy or something. Annie was close enough to me to touch me and also she probably noticed my shorts. I wear shorts that are padded and tuck because of my dysphoria. Annie probably never brought that up with anyone and she never brrought it up with me, but she saw it I'm sure.

That Saturday on 19th July was her last class. I miss her still. There was a leaving do a week before for her in a pub. all the gym peopel came along. It was her last day, we did group photos, it was so nice. It was also the case that on 19th July was trans pride brighton. I went to Brighton after the class. I met J there and..I got upset because of some speeches. I was very very upset. I saw a certain activist I know and I saw Kate Nash perform live. I'm probably saying too much about the real world.

Annie got my number and she messages me every other day. Annie sends me the sunrises and I sometimes send her sunrises and sunsets. One day she sent me a pic of her bare legs reclining on the balcony of her flat, she had these cute socks. I had to like...not be weird about that. 

Life feels really weird. I have a new friend and she's a young woman. She also has a nice boyfriend who does ironman. It really is a just friends situation. It feels weird that I know new people. I feel like I've lost so many friends lately that I'm just not emotionally able to meet new people. I'm still getting over the losses.