dear diary,

i am ill, the true extent of my sickness I am hiding from my family and friends and it is a life-limiting condition but not currently fatal. However Im worried about my high heart rates.

I've had to change my routine lately. In some ways I've gone back to my old anxiety routine from when I was at uni. That involved: being around 24 hour news (and youtube, which wasn't around or popular enough when I needed it back then), watching a lot of things on a regular basis such as newsnight, 10 o'clock news, daily politics. I also like to read the papers and watch a select amount of TV.

I've set up a tv watching list. In fact there are so many tv programmes that I actually have more than enough if I wanted to make a routine of it.

However it's my mind that is exhausted and even watching loads of TV feels like too much engagement.

At the moment I am sitting calmly on my desk.

Routine is the only thing keeping me alive and sane.