Yvonne Roberts of the Observer quoted Kurt Cobain allegedly saying 'better to burn out than fade away', which in itself is another song reference I think. Article here : http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/feb/08/depression-drives-many-men-to-commit-suicide

Depression is a bitch. I must accept that I have it now. I feel constantly tired and motivation is very low lately.


I'm trying to make my life simpler, I'm trying to cut down a lot of things in my life. I also aim to try and make things work, work in the sense that I don't miss appointments and I don't fuck up at work. I am just about doing that.

I think by an ordinary measure, my previous week has been productive and despite the shit going on in my mind, I think I 'fought'.

I've got a list of things I need to get on with today. I sincerely hope just to meander on with it all.

It's reaching the 2 year point where I've had my glasses, so I need to get another eye test and order some new glasses. I've just set the appointment now, I've been putting it off for a while, as I have been putting everything else in life off.

The Mcdonald's coupon thing expired yesterday. I was at a kids party yesterday and I popped out with some friends who ordered some burgers for me so that I could consume 3 burgers at once. I did successfully manage to do it. It's funny how people have observed that I've lost weight when I am eating in this otherwise deviant and destructive way.

I am currently listening to some shitty indie band called the 'augustines'. I can't bear to listen to music I like at the moment. But it's background music and it helps me feel productive.

I am going to get some lunch. I might think about cancelling gym class later tonight.

Wish me luck, if anyone reads this. I'm really struggling at the moment.