Sunday, February 8, 2015

dear diary,

Lately I've been living in extremely parallel worlds. I have been bed bound a lot lately, with some weird stupour like feeling. I think it is my depression that has returned. Basically it feels like I'm tired all the time. But I can't distinguish between being actually tired and the kind of depression that keeps you in bed all day.

The weird thing is that this feeling of miserly fatigue does not affect me at night. So I lately have taken this as a sign to work in a more cicadian (sic) manner.

Right now I've read through blogs and articles and left wing blogs about the recent 2 months. Apparently there are several professional issues going on in philosophy that are quite interesting but I am too tired and mentally exhausted to follow them with the problems in my own life.

Perhaps I'll say 3 positive things:

  1. I think I'm getting more used to my meds
  2. I have managed to do gym through the week
  3. I have experienced pleasure and joy lately - through the form of eating McDonalds
Lately I've had a weird fixation on McDonalds. Basically a few weeks back the Metro had a coupon offer and my mum always liked cutting them out and it sort of rubbed off on me. That coincided with my recent fascination with cutting things out from newspapers. I got like 40-60 coupons after taking multiple copies of the metro on the days these vouchers appeared. I ended up eating mcdonalds between 1-2 times a day at a normal day. In recent days I have had mcdonalds 3 times and on friday I went 4 times. I nearly went 5 times in a single day. I am eating obsessively because I feel this sense of achievement of using up all of the vouchers. Lately I am not spending much money on stuff and it feels 'frugal' to be using those coupons. It comes to points (on the 2nd, 3rd burger) where I am not interested in the food and I just feel like I have to finish this task 

Combine that with the fact that I have had some weight loss in recent weeks, which means my eating habits have not been noticed by many people, except those I've told. 

No comments: