i'm reading a really good piece on observer's tech monthly about facebook privacy. I've taken pictrues of the articles and doing each item as a reminder on google keep to do one of them in a sequence and not all at once. as such I am currently reviewing facebook privacy settings. important to do...time moves quick and so do the privacy policies change

Dear Diary,

I'm going throuhg about £30 of newspapers that I have 'acquired' for free from work and im cutting out the stuff that i wrote.

life's taken a surreal turn since working for a sunday paper. Come next week and this honeymoon will end.

Dear Diary,

wedding yesterday.

Today the sunday sentinel came out and has my copy in it.

And those are the last things on my mind.

What's on ny mind? how my room's a mess, how much I have to do and how I don't have much time.

I hope I can do the gym tomorrow. Tomorrow is a 'desk day'. I just have to make the most of that time.

Feeling too tired to say anything insightful. Perhaps in the future I will talk about how wonderful the wedding is and such, but now I'm too busy living.

dear diary,

organising the stag party meant taking on a perosnality and set of traits that were not usual for me. but I feel that I am getting used to it and I am ...or rather, they are becoming who I am.

I'm quite glad its over and that the stag party was successful. I am glad that I had time with Hannah --she's kind of liek a girlfriend now...i had this conversation with her, and she said - we can be girlfriend and boyfriend if you want.

Luckily -- the time was against me and I had to go meaning I couldn't have this discussion as i was needed elsewhere.

dear diary,

i ahve so much taht I could talk about but the one thing I want to open this blog to mention is ---I am getting in a big of extra money by the end of september and I'm quite pleased at that.

What are the other things?

• stag party went well
• tired after stag party
• tired on monday
• wedding rehearsal yesterday (short notice)
• offered a PhD place - need to follow up on
• Email correspondence - need to follw up on

I have a memory ...it was 2006 or 2007. I was so happy about the upcoming new years eve party that it onsumed all of me and it was the only reason I had to get out of bed. Then, after it ended, I had nothing. I had nothing else gong for me, my friends went on with their lives and I felt that I had othing to go on with...its' not like that now. I have lots to go on with.  So much so that I should be doing it now.

But I'm hungry.

I need lunch now!

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling anxious right now, because I realise that I don't have very much time.

I have this feeling that there's a lot going on and it needs to be done. But so much on the list that it makes me feel completely impotent to start at all.

Got to fight on.

Got to swallow the egg

On this day in previous years:

2010 - funeral of close family friend

2011 - gave a talk at art gallery

Dear Diary,

Google Calendar says a year to this day I had a piano performance at my old school. A younger version of me would have relished at the nostalgia of this.

But current me...just has a long list of shit to do.

I've nearly gone through half of the coffee stirrers. Most of the original first batch are gone. I was right about those stirrers. By the time I had gone through all of them, I would be a different person. I am a different person. I am less depressed, I think i am not depressed at all.

Does that make me happy? no, not really. Just got lots of shit to do. Perhaps this is what I've really wanted.

Now to think about the next steps forward in my life.

Last week at the community garden (my involvement is a farce) one of hte people involved gave someone my phone number.

I told them that was not okay.

I didn't get directly angry at them because ...it's only one incident. Honest mistake.

I did make a reserved response about it.

I have a habit of holding on to things.

I saw the film rain man last night and this morning (netflix) and it reminds me of...the various rituals I have. I have a collection of disposable cutlery, tissues from work canteen and a lot of coffee stirrers (I've talked about the stirrers before).

I have a lot of shit in my wardrobe. Today I attempted to clear it all out - or the stuff I don't need. I've got a big to-do list. but I've done the heavy tasks.

Dear Diary,

It's the first office day I've had in a week. However it feels like it has been more than a week since my proper office days.

I've been busy at work. I've been doing stuff at work that you wouldn't believe...it's the stuff of memoirs I think. I transcribed an article from a former cabinet minister and I wrote a box in the sunday sentinel! I'm kinda proud of that.

Life's been at high gear and I just have to keep up. I had a shower this morning, I haven't shwoered before then since thursday night ...i've been that busy.

Okay.

Now on to the stuff I need to do.

Things I've done between monday to 1am tuesday:

• Received payments for stag party
• Finalised booking for hotel
• Finalised booking details for airsoft
• Set up monthly netflix
• Newspaper catch up
• Cover at the sentinel at the end of july was confirmed from HR
• Set payment deadline for the stags
• Walking home after missing gym class
• Put money into bank (meant walking to bank)
• Emailed an okcupid friend who I'm having a nice correspondance with
• Paid £500+ to airsoft
• Paid £15 for BBs

Now I'm going to end my day - maybe with some food then bed.

I'm sorta forcing myself to write this. I've had a lot of thoughts lately. I'm trying to just push on with my plans. 

Good night.

Yesteray I had a panic attack.

I had to go to work (at 8pm) to resolve it.

Today I have been feeling a bit tired. I've been resting up. I had such a massive anxiety episode that I didn't even do the stuff I planned for the night. I just relaxed instead. Now I'm making up for it.

I have a website that I use, jots.me to keep a track of things. I've used it to make a shopping list of 'aspirational' products that I need. In doing this I made a list since about september 2013 of things that when I actually start getting money I might look into.

Now I have and I've made a start on ticking off various things on the list.

I think this is a sign of life 'getting better'. Despite the panic attack.

things i did today

• CXWorx at gym
• Body attack
• Body Combat
• Received some payments RE: Stag party
• Discussions with people about plans
• Received 1 certain assignment at work
• received possible assignment at work
• Cancelled event shift next week (prob my only one until september)
• Anxity
• Booked car hire - now trying to cancel said car hire

Dear Diary,


On monday I got a request to do cover for a PA for 6 days. Then I got an amended request for that same assignment for 7 days (an extra day) - This is yet to be confirmed

Today (this morning) I got a request to do 3 extra days working at the sunday sentinel. I happily said yes. 3 extra days is £200 or so.

7 extra days is about 470

Overall, an extra 670 or so?

In other news. I'm organising my best friend's stag party. I'm not the best man by the way. The best man let me help him out.

Tomorow I start working at the sunday paper. I'm a bit scared. I'm a lot busy!