Gratitude

Every morning I have a reminder tab from Google Keep about best practices for a productive start of the day. One of the tasks is to set a gratitude exercise: of what do I feel gratitude

• I'm happy that my bodyfat went down today
• I'm happy that I have mum and dad
• I have a great brother. So good that I don't deserve him. He's one of those rare things, he's a brother and a friend. 
• I have reasonable sight. 
• My WFH laptop is becoming a new friend

This whole covid-19 thing is getting to me. T and I have had a falling out. She's been ghosting me for 2 weeks. I miss her a lot. 

I'm having weird dreams. I had a dream that I had an utterly mundane conversation, but its mundane that I crave so much. 

On my google keep I have a series of flash cards to teach me emotional and psychological good habits.

One of my flash cards is 'analysis paralysis'. Today is my weekend day and even though I got up later than I wanted to today (insomnia), I have a full day pregnant with possibility.

I'm mapping out all of the things I can do, should do, ought to do etc. I ought to do some of my work work for at least 3 hours for example, there's also a nice club night (online) where some dudes on twitch will be hanging out and listening to metal.

I also want to go out and buy a paper, I want to do lots of things and it all intersects in a matrix. A matrix put simply is a bucket full of numbers. It's up to me to organise the bucket so that its best presented.

My flash card on analysis paralysis says something seemingly contradictory: embrace mediocrity and eliminate bad or mediocre choices. I was thinking how that is an exact contradiction in terms, but the ever persistent theologian in me tried to make sense of it. Here's what I think of this contradiction:

Mediocrity is a state. A state of poor decisions with low effort in the execution and low yield in the outcome. Embracing mediocrity means I don't have to go full throttle on everything. If I tried that I might lose the efficiency and successful execution in everything, in so doing I've tried to do everything well but have done everything badly. That's what I need to eliminate. I can embrace mediocrity in the sense that I should work smart, not hard and I should aim for a few things and not a lot. Do them well but not do much is mediocrity in the first sense. But eliminating bad or mediocre decisions in doing quality work.

I'm in day I think 20 of lockdown and I need to think about the things I am appreciative of:

• Cleaners
• Shop workers
• Nurses
• Healthcare assistants 
• Hospital porters
• Filipinos all over the world
• Mum and dad
• My family which I still have
• My colleagues
• Having a job that still pays me and above average salary yet I still feel I'm underachieving

Anyway I'm going back to being excellent at a few things and overall mediocre. 

I'm working from home at the moment. I started my day late. I was really tired this morning and couldn't get up after last night's insomnia.

One thing that's been on my mind is how to get out of a bad cycle when thigns are rolling downwards.

My eating is not the best right now, my sleeping is not the best right now. Gulping a pepsi max makes me feel better but doesnt aid the cycle. I need to course correct to get to better wellness, I need to aim for better sleep and better diet. I need to keep physicallly active.

Matt Hancock the health minister threatened to restrict the quarantine measures to prohibit outdoor exercise. This won't be too good if that's the case. On the other hand there's good reason to do so as people are populating too many of the local parks.

I'm tempted to go out for a run in a moment. There's plenty of work to do today.

Perhaps I should delegate what I'm suppsoed to do for tomorrow.

I'm not managing too well lately. I'm not doing 'badly' but I'm getting hit and not getting up.

Dear diary,

The whole world is in a covid-19 lockdown. A global pandemic has created a new situation, a global emergency. I'm staying at home and unless I have to go into the office (journalism is key-work) I am almost never outside.

So there's a new normal. I'm realising that lots of people are very vulnerable. My boss had a panic attack. I felt a bit sad about that, I always rely on her to hold the thought. It's now up to me and the other team to hold the fort up for her. Also I kept it super secret about her having a panic episode.

There are lots of negatives. Let's think about positives: I've gotten back into music. I bought a melodica. I'm keeping really productive. I got all my 'egg swallowing' tasks done just now. I have a closer relationship with my colleagues than ever.

Recent events have been an opportunity for me to reflect on the past. Playing melodica and piano has also made me reflect. This saturday i was invited to a heavy metal club night online on twitch. It was a lot of fun.

One thing I've done is try to make a bucket list of what life will be like after c-19 and the things I look forward to.

Let's end my post by talking about 'this week in previous years':

• 2009: My university email account expired, it was a low point
• 2011: I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger outside a red carpet event
• 2012: I hung out with friends and smoked some [redacted]
• 2013: Jamming with friends (resonant to present day I feel)
• 2014: ending of how I met your mother, it felt weirdly emotional to watch
• 2015: When I started taking phones seriously?
• 2016: Working as syndication editor for the sentinel news service, I thought this was the pinnacle of my career, sometimes I still do
• 2017: Got a new bed
• 2019: 1 year anniversary for nintendo switch
• 2020: COvid-19 shit