10 years ago on this day I was hospitalised.

It was my darkest day. Except maybe for today.

I'm facing a lot of dark times. A lot of people around the world have fears about the new political situation of Trump getting elected. The mood at the sentinel is very low right now.

I wish I had some kind of pastoral lesson or positive message of strength. I'm just getting on. I'm making sure that my room and the house is tidy and in order.

Fuck that reminds me- I need to get my washing done.

dear diary,

i'm re-living my demons a lot lately. I'm having some bad panic and anxiety episodes. Its making me want to avoid social contact and any kind of friendly closeness with anyone. It's my way of protecing myself from something absolutely terrible inside myself.

I had some bad insomnia lately, too. This weekend is almost as bad as when I had a cold not long ago. I have a mind cold - i.e. a bad depression/anxiety/panic episode.