Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Dear Diary,

I am listening to Babyshambles. I'm not sure why but my mind is taken back to the mid 2000s a lot. I can't believe I'm saying 'mid 2000s' like its a concrete thing. I started blogging with Conatus at the tailend of the mid 2000s. I'm a much different person now. I think I might not even recognise who I am inside.

I've been working almost full time for the past 2-3 months and Today is a day where I can just sit at my desk and relax for a bit. Well, not relax, I mean catch up with stuff.

Maybe some things I might update you with

  • I am now doing a job which is done by subeditors. Does that make me a subeditor? I've been wrestling with that question for a while.
  • I think I might have PTSD. The memories and other bad things of life weigh heavy on me.
  • I think that I've changed on the inside in being much more laid back and much more consumerist. I feel like consumerism can fill the holes inside me. Getting a new backpack or arranging my financials seem more a reason to get out of bed than philosophy or a pursuit of truth.
  • I'm still on meds. I'm quite dependent on it. I can't soar with them, I can't live without them.
  • I'm still really shit at writing and communicating. How the fuck did I become a subeditor??
I'm going to quit blogging now and tidy up my room.

Wish me luck. 

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