Dear Diary,
Right now, Slicethepie is running in the background. I am trying to do as many reviews as I can, in a worried mindset that i am short on my budget. The extra few £ helps me quite a bit. I feel a bit of an emotional rush for several reasons, I suppose the main thing that's hanging over my head is the fact that I've lost my gym card. I couldn't get into the gym today because I seemingly have lost my gym pass. All things considered it is the least worrying thing that I can lose, because I can easily replace it. I cannot say the same for my phone, or even my tie for work. I get in a bit of trouble if I lose the tie.
I am also a bit anxious about work today because I left early. I left early because I was the only one listed on the shift, and simply put, I wasn't needed, nobody was there. I left early, and headed to the gym, then found that my card had disappeared. I called the gym (anxiety points) and asked what to do, they said its just £5 to get another card, no issue, just money. Speaking of money, I've been invited to a boys weekend with the boys. Last time I went to a boys weekend, I got so drunk we started throwing ice cubes everywhere. I should, for legal reasons (not that we hurt anyone, but we still were acting naughty) I should say no more! Anyway, those nights are so much fun its kind of like being at university again.
I suppose when I got home, I worried a bit because there seems to be so much that I needed to think about. I am trying, for instance, to learn how to do a bowtie. With little success I'm getting stressed about everything else. However I think that I have successfully completed a good amount of tasks, even if I didn't do any training today. If I eat no more tonight I will have succeeded at least with one more struggle. Sometimes I wonder to myself why I need to lose weight, but then I am reminded that body image is so prevalent and so overwhelmingly a means of social credibility. I'd rather be thin and feel worthless, than be fat and have that feeling confirmed. I've felt like purging a few times today. Maybe I should summarise my day:
- Did job searching
- RSVP'd to meeting about project that I'm invited to
- Sent application
- Went to work
- Learning how to do a bowtie
- invited to boys weekend out
I think I might have to politely decline the boys night out, on the sole basis that I can't afford it. I've made way too many expenses this month and I dont think I can make ends meet, despite the fact that I did more hours than usual last month. I know its a fucking bummer, but I am learning in a very hard way that I am surrounded by limitations. The limitations are the world around me, the fact that I can't afford another computer or that I'm broke all the time. I need to work with the best I can, and in fairness, its not terrible, but I need to utilise every scrap of my resources and wit in order to better this situation.
I've planned tomorrow as well, I need to make sure nothing goes wrong in the run up to the wedding. Most tasks tomorrow aim to resolve my anxieties about various things that I have now, which include:
- bowtie anxiety
- lost gym pass
- shampoo replenishment before the wedding
- tightening the screw on my glasses
I hope I can do 3/4 of those in a single outing. I think I might even do an early gym session so that when I'm outside I'll do many things at once. I feel like I have more to say, but of those things I ponder, I still need to develop such thoughts. In that way I'm still academical.
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