From an episode of House

Dear Diary,

I had a fucking awful time last night. Since we will have guests staying over, I have to give my room over to them, so in preparation (since we are busy today with the wedding), I had tosleep in the box room. Sleeping in that room gave me all sorts of triggers, and perhaps pathetically I must admit, i cried a little after reliving a few painful memories. I got myself drunk and eventually I passed away to sleep, then I got a text at 1am, got a bit pissed off cos I couldn't sleep, and then I barely remember any thing (ergo I drifted off) and woke up at 5:30am. We all got up early in the house today, we are excited about the whole wedding thing. The guy getting married is someone I've known forever, and he's basically family. I'm excited for him, and I'm excited to see all the people in the ceremony, many of whom I know from the long distant past, and others are friends of my friends who are also his friends, since we grew up in close vicinity this is to be expected.

I love going to family things like this. I dont really admit that as much as I should. I love my family and most of the time I have a ball with them, my family is very close knit and we have collectively suffered our shared tragedies and pains. I think its important when you are with people who also share that pain and those memories. I was thinking of exactly that last night, for many of the memories related to times when I didn't have anyone around to help me, or perhaps also put: many of those people who were around me I am no longer close to. This reminds me of an episode of House that I saw yesterday morning (Wilson, season 6), about a man with cancer who left his wife after he went into remission. When the threat of cancer returned, he reconciled with with wife over his new younger girlfriend, and his wife supported him and reunited with him once more. Being House, M.D., through some divergent roads he had the cancer cured, and at the end of the episode he went back off with his new girlfriend, being an absolute cunt. There was something said in the episode by this character: who you want in the bad times is very different to who you want in the good times.

In the good times everyone seems to be around you, in the bad, anyone that matters is there. Perhaps I am a little bit like that,I feel that I needed to distance myself from those bad times in order to move from it, and in doing so, I distanced myself from the people who knew me then. Something has been eating away at me lately, I'm not quite sure how to articulate it. Anyway, I'm now just passing time, I've done some reading tasks and job searches, I'm waiting until I can put on my suit. This wedding is making me really giddy with excitement, its either that, or the coffee makes me want to shit.