change you can believe in

Dear Diary,

I'm completely shocked. I have been busy as fuck of late, and it has taken a toll on my body in various ways: I've been pretty ill (I'm still stuffy nosed), I've also been too busy to eat very much, I've also been behind on my schedule as much as I'd like to get ahead and another thing is that I've been sleeping a whole lot to catch up with my body. When I woke up I knew I had things that I needed to do, after the meeting yesterday I made some concrete commitments, I felt a little bit uncomfortable perhaps more because of the unfamiliarity of this project than anything.

So, I wake up, I feel more chirpy than most mornings which, I must admit, is very unique. I looked at my body in the mirror and I almost didn't recognise myself, my beard, and I have a few lines on my belly. The fat, is slowly going away. But looks can decieve, after some anxiety riddling tasks, such as entering my shifts for next month (realising I have few shifts), and emailing someone to start my first step towards this project; I then went to another task that I've put off for a few days: check my weight.

I think its fair to say that due to my busyness, and perhaps even contributing to my fatigue, I have resisted temptation and ate a lot less of late. Perhaps one of the saving graces of yesterday was that there was no burrito to be found at the cafe after I finished work. I love those burritos! I did a whole lot of walking over the past few days, and I think the fact that I've been busy has taken a toll on my body for sure. Now came the evidence, the real evidence: my weight went down 5lbs between my last reading and today. Now I feel like I still have some still inside me that is still an issue that affects the reading, but this is an undeniable change in weight. Exactly a week ago my weight was 224.8lbs, today its 214.8lbs, I took the reading numerous times as well, and it kept saying the same thing (well, some variance of 0.2lb between some readings). Now that's a pretty damned big change in weight. 10lbs in a week, that's 4kg. If I had an equivalent weight loss like that for 20 weeks I'd be less than a skeleton!

My next real target is 210lbs. Seeing the weight reading today tells me that such a goal is achievable. I am also to believe that real change can happen. This is a sign, this weight loss is an omen of change, of positive improvement in my life. Perhaps the lonely realisation is that if I do it without mia, I am more alone. I suppose I am being led to a greater truth, one more uncomfortable. That said, I don't have to be so hard on myself in terms of calories either, just hard enough to make change happen. I'm hungry, and I need to eat. Is taht okay with you guys?

I have only a few hours before I need to prep for work. I'm going to chill for a little while, and take it slow.