One less problem

Dear Diary

I'm back from a night out. It's nearly 6 am. I have a 'crew' of guys that I usually hang out with. It is like a buddy movie, we all have different roles. There's the bold one, the smart one, the cute one, and the crazy one. In fairness, we aren't all the same roles all the time. We had a pretty savage night out, I didn't get drunk, although I did throw up in the corridor of my mate's building. It's nice to have nights out with friends. It wasn't so nice being on the night bus and hearing very loud people from differing areas of the community being overbearing in their loud conversations. We had a strange latina lady talk to us (notably from the club we came from earlier). We also had a group of generic Eastern European types who seemed scary and loud but they were probably big softies, there was a moment when one of them jumped back into the bus after exiting.

Perhaps the most bizarre group were the people singing gospel songs really loudly. I couldn't tell if they were for real  or were being ironic. Why would evangelical Christians get wasted in Stockwell on a saturday night? Didn't think that met their notion of Godliness. My anxiety was spiking at points this evening, but it was manageable. Having the new insole in my shoe helped. Its an odd thing to note as an emotional support but it was one thing among many. You see, when I didn't have the insole, my gait was affected, it would affect my walking, my posture and at a club, my ability to move in dance like motions. I had less pain, therefore less sense of inadequacy, less anxiety: less sense of self-consciousness, less to worry about. I was also thinner, again, it was 'one less thing' to worry about.

I realise that I cant sort out everything to get better in my life at once.I can however, work on little things, and if there is 'one less problem' I'd much benefit from it. That's how I used to see purging: one less problem. Is it notable that I take this approach to my anxiety and dealing with social situations? I've done enough thinking for a good while, I've done more than my share of cash spending.I'd give myself a break on whether I ate too much. At least I didn't get drunk. One less problem...that's an interesting approach.

 

I want to add a supplemental comment. Today my multicultural group of friends went to a latin american party, on the way home we were among a fairly multicultural group in the bus home. We were all having a good time, maybe some people were overbearing but meant well.. In the 10th Anniversary of september 11th 2001, celebrating a free way of life among people of different backgrounds is perhaps a symbol of what makes British society so great.I think that I'm going to sleep. The sunrise has caught me up.

Here's to the memory of lives lost on that terrible day in New York and Somerset Country as well as in Washington. I have fond feelings for the United States, I was there not long before the attacks on the 11th. The fear that it could have been me on a connect flight is unthinkable. I live in relative peace and safety; security and (even though I'm underpaid) comfort. I might sound flippant but our way of showing the terrorists won't win is by carrying on as usual. People have fun, maybe even make mistakes. It's our priviledge to with the freedoms we have.