I am feeling depressed today

• Colleagues were arguing last night, it made me feel uncomfortable, and today I suppose its affecting me too. One group was complaining that the other didn't tell them about the canapes that were upstairs when we were working.The canape group were complaining that no one from downstairs came to replace them (I was technically part of the first group [before the canape incident]) and then the second group (when we didnt relieve them) as my position in the shift wasn't needed by the second half of the event. I don't know why I felt the need to talk about that, it's been on my mind and makes the work environment uncomfortable, even when I'm a neutral party to the group. It just makes me think: what do they say about me if they are like that to each other? That makes me feel down
• My black cords for work were falling down, belt or no belt, 36 2008 uniqlo trousers are no longer fit for purpose. A new me needs fitting clothes. It felt weird that the trousers were hanging from just a bit under my waist, rather than my hips. Losing more weight is making the distinction between hips and waist a bit more marked. I'd love to have those hips that male models have where it shows through their thorax. Is my terminology right? Losing weight makes me more aware of my body, and other people's bodies as well. I become self critical, and by extension, critical of others. I'd love to be one of the 'beautiful people' instead of being from the 'ugly table' in a party.
• I'm not feeling very good today. I'm feeling a bit depressed. It's a weird thing for me to say. I found it difficult as an expression, when people said they felt depressed, for me that term meant nothing, because that's how I felt ALL THE TIME. It's like saying 'I'm breathing', who gives a shit? It happens to me all the time. But today, however, I feel it stronger than most days. Maybe I'm worn down, I also realised that it may even be my blood-sugar levels are quite low. I'm going to make some food to resolve that. Food may resolve my mood. It's brain chemistry.

I may have had other things to say, but I don't really care right now. I struggled to get my clothes on, get out of bed, put the laptop on the table and type this blog. As ar as I'm concerned, that's more than I expected of myself about 15 minutes ago. Now I'm ready to start eating again. Sometimes it takes a lot of emotional effort for me to eat. It's fair to say that even though I don't have fingers down my throat, I still have 'issues' with food.