Dear Diary,

 

Last night I had a moment of terror, at the realisation (which perpetually haunts me) that I have not achieved enough in my life and that I need to make more happen. I woke up a little later than usual (night terrors affect my sleep) and I applied to 5 jobs by 3pm and did some searching. I did it to quell my anxiety. If I can keep up that pace, I'll have more to show for myself, maybe. I wasn't in a good head space. There's nothing more I can say about it really, its just actions and keeping it up. The next morning when I woke up (well, this morning), I found my weight was down a little more, then I had a poo ( a sign that more loss is to come). I've been to the gym 3 times this week, I've applied to 10 jobs, I've had one interview. I can't pat myself on the back. I just need to accept what I've done and do better next week.

 

I can imagine my counsellor saying that I dont give myself a break. I don't deserve a fucking break because I'm a FAILURE.

Maybe the next week will bring better results. I've got a lot of anger in me at the moment. Mia has been talking to me, I've been talking back to her. I'm quite lonely. I'm not very eloquent about my moods right now.