Tomorrow will be a better day, but today wasn't so bad either.

Dear Diary,

A lot of things go through my mind on any given day, and from time to time I get ideas of things that I need to deal wtih, but they happen so spontaneously that I forget to put them down when I'm actually around my computer, or it just passes through my hands like sand and I forget what I was thinking about, usually because other things get in the way. Today was definately an instance of having too much to think about.

I sorted out some loose lightbulbs today, I got a new shovel and worked out how it works (I know how stupid that sounds); I got more presents for xmas, with luck it will be the last of my present buying, except for a bottle of baileys that is obligatory for my friends. I got presents for my dad, my mum, and two potential women who may visit (such as my sister's mother in law, or my brother's girlfriend). Today I sorted out the odd bits that I needed to deal with. I have a gym pass that lasts 12 days for guests, and I am thinking about inviting a couple of friends to train with me over xmas. Both of them said yes, and there is something manly and brotherly about the prospect of training together.

After I got home, I then went out again to finish my errands. If I had more time and money I would have gotten a haircut as well. It's amusing how much I would do because the internet was down this morning and afternoon! Once I got home I was settling in and doing small tasks, I didn't go as far ahead with my tasks as I would have liked, but I did give a CV at a bar and that is a sign that I'm putting myslef out there, and it is a bit of a concession to say: yeah the job market isn't going to get any better, I'll just dig in somewhere to get money for work, because I really need the money and career goes into the shitter. Not that there is anything wrong with bar work, its just something that isn't part of my skill set (namely dealing with people, being happy all the time in appearance).

Tomorrow I plan to help out at the community garden, and then I hope to do some carol singing. It sounds like a plan, if it actually goes through. I also will need to post some letters off.

Lots to do, but I am not 'behind' as such today. It was a pretty good day for the run up to christmas. I know things are shit, but maybe I should allow myself the temporary joy of what Christmas is: a passing few days where the rules of time and my life are temporarily paused in this magical time period where I can revisit childhood again and time stands still in a crystallised and culturally accepted notion with traditions and principles and even the awkward parts are culturally normal, like my brother in law's family who make me feel a little on edge. That's not because I don't like them, they are lovely, but I just don't know them well and sometimes they ask personal questions that I hate.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe that should be my mantra instead of 'onwards!' I also made a 9 day playlist of music, long story, but I like playlists.