Dear Diary,

There are things which are eating away at me. My job situation for one. It's over 2 years now since I've 'graduated' and I've still not found a proper job. I was thinking about handing my CV to a bar this wee, the hours might be good and regular. What is really eating away at me is the hopelessness of my job situation. It's something so personal and embarrassing that few other people really know or understand how much it damages me. I hate how I can't find work. I'm trying, but as time goes on my effort and determination falter because I feel increasingly without hope.

My motivation is pretty low today, but all things considered, I am getting ahead of my timetable. I have less busy days after tonight. For better and worse, I will have more 'free' time for the coming few weeks. I realise that things are really shit for other people, and I realise that i dwell too much on myself in this blog. What really gets me down is the following thought: If I can't get it together and make it work, what hope do other people have? That's an open thought, maybe they can get it together better than I can, or maybe they can't, and if that's the case, they are royally screwed.

I think to myself when I feel down that if I eat something I'll feel better (I'm not regularly eating very much), sometimes it helps, other times it does not. My instinct tells me that I need to purge.