wobbly afternoons

Dear Diary,

I am tempted to purge right now. Today is counselling day, and normally I need to think about something to say. In addition I also get quite upset during sessions. I have lots of tasks set, well, increasingly less as I advance in the day. I feel like I am mindlessly doing things. I read an article on topics in the philosophy of mathematics, I read a book review on environmentalism and deep ecology, I read about some local news in my part of the city, I read a little bit about eating disorders (I find it therapeutic), I had some breakfast/lunch, I've found some bibliography software, I've did some job searching and now I'm organising my book collection on my HDD.

I feel little motivation today. I'm just pushing myself forward. It doesn't help that Antonia is messaging me. I've set a few tasks that I am reluctant to do, one of which is to email that girl who I met at the art gallery over a week ago. I really should do it, but I don't want to. Since my schedule set it I probably should. One distraction that I am really getting into is writing in my other blog. I've had an idea of writing a series of themed pieces. I am reminded of Spinoza's notion of the intellectual love of God as a means to happiness, or blessedness as he understood it. Lately there is a lot about Spinoza that's running in my mind, and a lot about Kant, but there's always a lot about Kant in my mind.

I feel like I'm in a stupour. Yesterday I started High Intensity Interval Training, instead of going for an hour slog on the x-trainer. I dont' think that it was calorie intensive, the one thing that worries me is that I don't have a way to calculate the calories, it's comparable to how uncomfortable I am with eating food that I cannot estimate its calorific and nutritional data. I did get exceptionally tired last night afterward. I think that the HIIT gets me tired quickly, and its really good for cardio, but in terms of net calories I think I'd prefer to slog it out.

I like my new laptop, it is helping me realise the greater potential of my scheduling system, I have thought about buying some games to play on it. I need some leisure.

Back to the slog...