New Years eve.
I'm glad I'm going to a party this year. I'm not the best at a party, particularly with my anxieties. There will be a few girls from my old sixth form there, but six years younger. Ugh. One of the girls is going out with the host. I bought some alcohol to share during the evening, as requested by the host. I've spent the past hour or so preparing and the two hours previous masturbating, and probably the four or so hours previous to that playing xbox. Whilte it's not my most organised or productive of days, I am dressed in a dapper fashion and I quite like that.
I'm dressed in a tie and a smart shirt, almost my work clothes except I'm wearing my new cords. I think I'll wear something I feel comfortable with as a person, smart, geeky and insecure just like me. It would be nice to try out my new shoes.
Something bizarre happened today, I've been asked to model for a photographer. Now this is a bit scary for me, because initially I thought this to be an endearing compliment on my appearance. Apprently the guy likes my hair and my face. The guy says in the first email that he's a gay photographer, I'm not quite sure what this means. Is he going to be gay with me? I kind of like the idea of a photoshoot where I'm a sexualised object by another man. I don't think real gay or bisexual people say they are going to be 'gay' with someone else. I guess that outs me as a straight man.
Anyhoo I find it a compliment, until he replied back to me. The fellow is interested in non-normative conceptions of beauty. Does that make me a non normal person? I've seen some of his previous on his website. Much of which focuses on alternative notions of embodiment. If were were a philosopher on the notion of embodied I'd find it interesting. One work of his focuses on physically disabled persons, one on a woman with cancer and another with heavily tattooed people. I'm not quite sure where I fit into this. I hope he won't rape me. That's an awfully fucked up thing to say. Maybe he'll get a girl to suck me off, or I'll have sexy pictures to put on my facebook. I'm not sure really.
I better reply to him and tell him that I'll give him a call in a couple of days. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the boost to my confidence and carry that with me as I go to the party. I hope I don't get too drunk to make an ass of myself, I hope I don't get sober enough to have no confidence and I hope I don't shit myself. Apparently a few of my friends have flu or swine like symptoms. Two of them are the party animals/main flirters and one of them is a prick. On the whole I consider this a good sign. Now to plan my route home. I kind of want to leave now, but I must wait until it is fashionably the right time to leave.
Do I have any resolutions for the year? I've noticed how everyone is making a big review of 2010, I do a review of my life basically at the end of every day so I don't see the novelty, although I enjoy the podcasts which have review episodes. Perhaps my resolutions are:
For now, I'm going to play xbox, got to the party later and get drunk as fuck.
Then tomorrow is a jamming session with my boys. Now doesn't that sound fun?
Nappy Hew year to you!
I'm glad I'm going to a party this year. I'm not the best at a party, particularly with my anxieties. There will be a few girls from my old sixth form there, but six years younger. Ugh. One of the girls is going out with the host. I bought some alcohol to share during the evening, as requested by the host. I've spent the past hour or so preparing and the two hours previous masturbating, and probably the four or so hours previous to that playing xbox. Whilte it's not my most organised or productive of days, I am dressed in a dapper fashion and I quite like that.
I'm dressed in a tie and a smart shirt, almost my work clothes except I'm wearing my new cords. I think I'll wear something I feel comfortable with as a person, smart, geeky and insecure just like me. It would be nice to try out my new shoes.
Something bizarre happened today, I've been asked to model for a photographer. Now this is a bit scary for me, because initially I thought this to be an endearing compliment on my appearance. Apprently the guy likes my hair and my face. The guy says in the first email that he's a gay photographer, I'm not quite sure what this means. Is he going to be gay with me? I kind of like the idea of a photoshoot where I'm a sexualised object by another man. I don't think real gay or bisexual people say they are going to be 'gay' with someone else. I guess that outs me as a straight man.
Anyhoo I find it a compliment, until he replied back to me. The fellow is interested in non-normative conceptions of beauty. Does that make me a non normal person? I've seen some of his previous on his website. Much of which focuses on alternative notions of embodiment. If were were a philosopher on the notion of embodied I'd find it interesting. One work of his focuses on physically disabled persons, one on a woman with cancer and another with heavily tattooed people. I'm not quite sure where I fit into this. I hope he won't rape me. That's an awfully fucked up thing to say. Maybe he'll get a girl to suck me off, or I'll have sexy pictures to put on my facebook. I'm not sure really.
I better reply to him and tell him that I'll give him a call in a couple of days. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the boost to my confidence and carry that with me as I go to the party. I hope I don't get too drunk to make an ass of myself, I hope I don't get sober enough to have no confidence and I hope I don't shit myself. Apparently a few of my friends have flu or swine like symptoms. Two of them are the party animals/main flirters and one of them is a prick. On the whole I consider this a good sign. Now to plan my route home. I kind of want to leave now, but I must wait until it is fashionably the right time to leave.
Do I have any resolutions for the year? I've noticed how everyone is making a big review of 2010, I do a review of my life basically at the end of every day so I don't see the novelty, although I enjoy the podcasts which have review episodes. Perhaps my resolutions are:
- Lose weight. Get below 220lbs or hopefully 200lbs
- Find a nice girl
- Get a full time job that pays something you are proud of
- Get a damn new laptop
- Move out?
- Build self esteem?
For now, I'm going to play xbox, got to the party later and get drunk as fuck.
Then tomorrow is a jamming session with my boys. Now doesn't that sound fun?
Nappy Hew year to you!
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