I said in an earlier post that I woke up with the novelty of being 18 again in front of the mirror. What a facile appraisal. Instead of getting on with my life, I'm living in the past. I haven't gotten over what's happened, that's why I keep getting all the memories. I haven't made peace with those years that I refused to talk about. I thought it was sorted.
After my interview, which I think went pretty shit, I went home. I ate, I gorged, then I fell asleep for about 5 hours. I woke up and spent some time checking emails. I read that this old housemate of mine has won a landmark case and it's really impressive. My old housemate is a lawyer now, and to admit of some honesty, we had some sexual tension (even though I was fat). She was there during a dark time of my life, and I was there during hers. It sounds like a match of romance, but I wasn't interested, I was too self involved. I learned that lesson and improved a few months later when I met Antonia. How interesting things change looking at hindsight. Well done to her, also I'm obviously green with envy. My housemate is a successful legal researcher doing landmark cases of state failures and implicitly critiquing the legal process, while I'm sleeping during sunlight hours after eating monster munch from a failed interview that is basically an admin job.
I don't think I got the job. I got this feeling that I wasn't asnwering their question. It seemed like a pretty shoddy organisation. I sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes, I had to call the receptionist's attention (slightly peeved) to ensure I wasn't forgotten, they did not apologise about the delay and it all felt pretty impersonal. In addition, I feel they were a bit pushy and they openly said that there are a lot of hostile clients in the organisation. I'll tell you one thing though, the public sector have some pretty cushy buildings. I've done nothing today, I've made a few job searches, did an interview and ate a lot. There's nothing to show for that. I also an epic poem and a drama. I suppose today might be called 'relaxed' but I thought that's what the past three days were. Fuck.
I felt after the interview my body was tired and emotionally I was drained a lot. I wish I had a full time job. Or got into a PhD...
Life is cruel. No wonder I keep thinking about a simpler past. I need to keep it together. Rome won't hold if I keep thinking about Greece.
After my interview, which I think went pretty shit, I went home. I ate, I gorged, then I fell asleep for about 5 hours. I woke up and spent some time checking emails. I read that this old housemate of mine has won a landmark case and it's really impressive. My old housemate is a lawyer now, and to admit of some honesty, we had some sexual tension (even though I was fat). She was there during a dark time of my life, and I was there during hers. It sounds like a match of romance, but I wasn't interested, I was too self involved. I learned that lesson and improved a few months later when I met Antonia. How interesting things change looking at hindsight. Well done to her, also I'm obviously green with envy. My housemate is a successful legal researcher doing landmark cases of state failures and implicitly critiquing the legal process, while I'm sleeping during sunlight hours after eating monster munch from a failed interview that is basically an admin job.
I don't think I got the job. I got this feeling that I wasn't asnwering their question. It seemed like a pretty shoddy organisation. I sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes, I had to call the receptionist's attention (slightly peeved) to ensure I wasn't forgotten, they did not apologise about the delay and it all felt pretty impersonal. In addition, I feel they were a bit pushy and they openly said that there are a lot of hostile clients in the organisation. I'll tell you one thing though, the public sector have some pretty cushy buildings. I've done nothing today, I've made a few job searches, did an interview and ate a lot. There's nothing to show for that. I also an epic poem and a drama. I suppose today might be called 'relaxed' but I thought that's what the past three days were. Fuck.
I felt after the interview my body was tired and emotionally I was drained a lot. I wish I had a full time job. Or got into a PhD...
Life is cruel. No wonder I keep thinking about a simpler past. I need to keep it together. Rome won't hold if I keep thinking about Greece.
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