I suppose when I write this blog it sounds like a catalogue of moaning, like Aeneas but with no closure. I am normally different, but on the other hand, I suppose if I am truthful all the time (which I am on here) I am pretty pessimistic and hopeless.
I went to a roundtable discussion at the LSE. There were philosophers there and BBC's Mark Lawson talking about the future of humanities funding. Since I'm a prospective postgraduate in a Humanities subject I thought it interesting to hear their points. It was fairly depressing. The Arts/Humanities are fighting a battle against philistinism and the instrumentalism of the political establishment's reasoning process, and on the other hand are facing a fight against funding cuts. If I'm honest, the former is more dangerous than the latter.
After the event ended, I felt I was among brothers and sisters. I am no longer a student, but I feel their sense of appreciation and youthful optimism and values in the humanism of academia and the learned ways of Europe. I went to take a piss, left the building and walked to the tube station. As I went to the station, I think I almost recognised a girl. It was the girl who messaged me last year and who I met earlier this year. She's the kinky one, polyamorous and who said I was pretty. I hear she's a PhD student now so I guess it would figure that she'd be around a university territory.
I wasted so much of my days as a student, I wish I could undo the mistake I made as a Masters student. I wish I could prove to myself that I had what it took to be an academic. I've lost faith in myself. I've binged today. Mea culpa. As I got home I didn't feel as able to concentrate on much. I did interestingly read a few comics (a new hobby of mine) and enjoy myself by watching a few episodes of the tick and x men. I'm immersing myslef as a geek. I also listened to a few podcasts and read some of the news of the world according to GReader. I am reducing my RSS feeds and my twitter feeds. I'm trying to be as they say, parsimonious.
I felt reulctant to post. I feel reluctant to do some of the scheduled tasks. This is partly due to a few different feelings:
I went to a roundtable discussion at the LSE. There were philosophers there and BBC's Mark Lawson talking about the future of humanities funding. Since I'm a prospective postgraduate in a Humanities subject I thought it interesting to hear their points. It was fairly depressing. The Arts/Humanities are fighting a battle against philistinism and the instrumentalism of the political establishment's reasoning process, and on the other hand are facing a fight against funding cuts. If I'm honest, the former is more dangerous than the latter.
After the event ended, I felt I was among brothers and sisters. I am no longer a student, but I feel their sense of appreciation and youthful optimism and values in the humanism of academia and the learned ways of Europe. I went to take a piss, left the building and walked to the tube station. As I went to the station, I think I almost recognised a girl. It was the girl who messaged me last year and who I met earlier this year. She's the kinky one, polyamorous and who said I was pretty. I hear she's a PhD student now so I guess it would figure that she'd be around a university territory.
I wasted so much of my days as a student, I wish I could undo the mistake I made as a Masters student. I wish I could prove to myself that I had what it took to be an academic. I've lost faith in myself. I've binged today. Mea culpa. As I got home I didn't feel as able to concentrate on much. I did interestingly read a few comics (a new hobby of mine) and enjoy myself by watching a few episodes of the tick and x men. I'm immersing myslef as a geek. I also listened to a few podcasts and read some of the news of the world according to GReader. I am reducing my RSS feeds and my twitter feeds. I'm trying to be as they say, parsimonious.
I felt reulctant to post. I feel reluctant to do some of the scheduled tasks. This is partly due to a few different feelings:
- It's cold
- I'm lazy
- It's christmas
- I feel down (similar to 2)
- I am fixated on the xbox I bought
- I don't want to acknowledge some of the tasks as it would mean actually making my mind work
- Following 6 - some tasks would make me want to care, or be dedicated and I feel too bruised by failure. I'm too scared to put myself out there
- I feel tired (this one is increasing lately)
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