Never have I ever (misplaced trust in a friend)

I got up late. I'm listening to a very strange audiobook this morning. Waking up so late and finally getting past the previous two days have brought up a whole lot of feelings. Perhaps putting these unrelated events have forced a systematic way of thinking. This morning I got a text from a friend, a but that I play xbox with all the time and we chat often. At the party I realised how socially limited he is. That's not my problem of course but it impacted on the degree to which I mingled with new people in the party. I tried to simply ignore that but there were times when if I went to mingle he would simply gravitate towards me again, or just sit on his own. In a way, being around him is both an anathema to people, and a comfort. It reminds me that people have their own different journeys when it comes to dealing with others and their own lives, as well as how important it is to get out of one's comfort zone. This friend also told me that he lied about everything in the drinking game we played. I feel very disappointed in him and my trust in him. Last night I had a bit of apprehensions about pushing so hard on the idea of a drinking game, while I merely suggested it, and everyone else took on board the idea, I think that I kept it together in terms of how the game worked. I really liked playing the game but then I became conscious of how certain other persons would be made to be uncomfortable. This led in two reactions so I noticed. One guy started feeling the need to 'apologise' for himself, because he's a virgin and never kissed a girl etc. We said that we didn't judge him badly for that and considering how rare it is to find a nice person out there, I totally understand. I then drew from my own feelings and said to him that I'd rather not go into something just for the sake of having sex or the experience, if I wasn't so keen on the person. I was immediately reminded of Sadia. The other response was outright lying. This fellow I mention distinctly arose suspicion when he drank to things I said and I thought were a little too specific or things I thought he definately didn't do, but I employed the principle of charity and thought to myself that the point of a game like this is not to have such preconceptions, and so that we surprised ourselves about the inner lives of such people. Admittedly there is a distinct hypocrisy in what I feel. I feel guilty that I was a mover in playing this game, and there was a bit of Mia's influence in my behaviour. I told someone earlier that one time I played a game like this it ended very badly, and that was true. Was there a part of me that was self destructive in proposing this game? I'm not sure. I wanted to get to know these people better, and in some ways I did, giving high fives for getting rimjobs, and later on in the party I had to explain what a prostate milking was. On the other hand we are all mature people and if you don't want to play then just don't. I think its stupid, petty and weak to pretend to have done things and say that you have in a drinking game where the whole objective is to get closer to everyone by sharing experiences in a group. I feel let down by him and I feel that I see through him and how pathetic it is that he succumbed to peer pressure, I feel that especially the lies he told were so crap, were so utterly asinine that he basically said things just for a reaction. Lied about his experiences so that we'd have a laugh or respond in a way he wanted, that he'd lie just to look cool 'like everyone else'. At least the guy who was apologetic for himself flet like he needed to justify his real life, I have no issue with that guy but I'm so fucking pissed at the other guy, my close friend for compromising on the truth in front of his own brother and friends at the party. Especially when most of our jokes are about people making personal compromises, he lacks his own critical insight. I see him in a different way now, in a lesser way. I've been disappointed by him before mind you, funny enough I think it was when we were playing that game a few years ago. The bastard. I was going to write about my recent bereavement in this post but it seems I needed to sound out about this. I feel a little better that I got this feeling out. I am let down by him. I'm not going to be as close to him anymore, nor will I tell him about my life.