mea culpa

Will you stand up for yourself and make things better? That's a question I ask myself right now, and that I asked myself in 2007. In a sense it is the hardest question for me. I guess over the past few days I have moped and felt down about myself, my situation and my bleak prospects for improvement. I have very little space in my mind for optimism. Everywhere has taught me failure, the only reward failure and shame bring are more of the same. Will I try to be different, try to be better? I went training today. I don't feel that the exercise works without a good diet, and I've been a glutton lately. mea culpa seems to be the hardest thing to admit. Make it better, make it work. I'm reminded of the issues I had when I played piano. In a way they were so unresolved that any answer to them is translatable to a set of real life situations. I need to sort out my life. I feel that my dad's sloth and my mum's inaction to change anything is affecting me badly. I need to rise above, and I feel completely alone. I don't feel that anyone understands my mountain.