Good afternoon,
The days where I wake up in a stupour are fewer, but I still feel a sense of malaise. Yesterday in counselling I talked mostly about mia. I was upset, I think perhaps the counsellor was more moved by what I said than I was. I talked about how mia has this relationsihp with me, how it is a powerful influence. Mia is a more powerful influence on me than any person could ever be. I think after Marie's deception, I never regained a sense of trust with people again.
I also woke up having a slightly arousing dream about an archetypal (but slightly anonymous) woman. This archetype was a hippy kind of girl, a free spirit who tries to get me out of my rut of boredom and despair. There was in fact a video about this archetype on the blog/youtube channel 'Feminist Frequency', I feel a little bad that I'm a stereotype looking for a hollywood stereotype of woman. Basically, the worrying thing about the hippy type is that she is reduced to caregiver at her most basic female gendered role. I'm starting to get more aware about feminism and being female conscious. One time my friend at a party remarked that I was sympathetic to women like Mel Gibson in that 'What Women Want' film, I thought that was a flippant remark, but a little complimentary. I'm not really sympathetic to women, I'm just trying to be a little bit more aware of how much of an arsehole I can be.
Tropes vs. Women: #1 The Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Also, over the past few days, I've realised something obvious, that I was oblivious to: I'm still attracting gothic girls. After my mistake with Marie, I would think that I'd have learned my lesson, but apparently the only girls I can attract are gothic types. I know I shouldn't type or classify people, but that's exactly why I feel self conscious that the same kind of girls always seem to like me. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I don't see myself as a goth boy or goth boyfriend. Yes I listen to gothic metal, a bit of EBM< or some black metal, but I'm not really part of that subculture. I tried a lot to be something I was not with Marie. I'm just happy being myself, with my comfy trousers, brown boots and repetitive attire.
Anyhoo I better get on with my tasks for today. I have only a few hours before I get ready to go out tonight. I'm not nervous...well, not unless I think about it.
So many girls this past month. Like buses. Maybe I need a travelcard.
The days where I wake up in a stupour are fewer, but I still feel a sense of malaise. Yesterday in counselling I talked mostly about mia. I was upset, I think perhaps the counsellor was more moved by what I said than I was. I talked about how mia has this relationsihp with me, how it is a powerful influence. Mia is a more powerful influence on me than any person could ever be. I think after Marie's deception, I never regained a sense of trust with people again.
I also woke up having a slightly arousing dream about an archetypal (but slightly anonymous) woman. This archetype was a hippy kind of girl, a free spirit who tries to get me out of my rut of boredom and despair. There was in fact a video about this archetype on the blog/youtube channel 'Feminist Frequency', I feel a little bad that I'm a stereotype looking for a hollywood stereotype of woman. Basically, the worrying thing about the hippy type is that she is reduced to caregiver at her most basic female gendered role. I'm starting to get more aware about feminism and being female conscious. One time my friend at a party remarked that I was sympathetic to women like Mel Gibson in that 'What Women Want' film, I thought that was a flippant remark, but a little complimentary. I'm not really sympathetic to women, I'm just trying to be a little bit more aware of how much of an arsehole I can be.
Tropes vs. Women: #1 The Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Also, over the past few days, I've realised something obvious, that I was oblivious to: I'm still attracting gothic girls. After my mistake with Marie, I would think that I'd have learned my lesson, but apparently the only girls I can attract are gothic types. I know I shouldn't type or classify people, but that's exactly why I feel self conscious that the same kind of girls always seem to like me. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I don't see myself as a goth boy or goth boyfriend. Yes I listen to gothic metal, a bit of EBM< or some black metal, but I'm not really part of that subculture. I tried a lot to be something I was not with Marie. I'm just happy being myself, with my comfy trousers, brown boots and repetitive attire.
Anyhoo I better get on with my tasks for today. I have only a few hours before I get ready to go out tonight. I'm not nervous...well, not unless I think about it.
So many girls this past month. Like buses. Maybe I need a travelcard.
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