Good evening
Last night was interesting. I met some friends in an impromtu meetup and I didn't get (that) drunk. We had dinner at a tapas place, danced in a latin american themed club in oxford street, and then we went back to a house and relaxed a bit. As I may have mentioned in the past, I have a group of friends from sixth from and secondary school and we hang out quite a bit, well over the year at least.
I was with two of them, plus another mutual friend who was the host for the evening at his place. One of the guys had a breakup recently, and he's moved in with this guy. Another few friends of mine from this group from school, were out as well in London, with a pair of girls they've known from years ago and the impression that the friends I was with is that they are pathetic losers. They came from well outside of london to meet with some girls in the (transparent) hope of getting laid. They are so obviously single and looking and try so hard to imperss people. I pity them, but I also understand what its like to be so desperate. I call that, my life in 2006.
I saw their facebook statuses and they were identcal. It goes to the effect of 'had a great time last night: i saw boobs and a guy dressed as [childhood video game character]!'
That represents everything wrong with the western world: telling people about your day as if it matters on facebook; starting a sentence with this truncated enthymeme of 'I' or 'I think'. People use this weird expression of starting sentences like ' hoping this is a good thing', instead of 'I hope this is a good thing'. This family of expressions are incredibly impersonal and casual at the same time. I feel it infects me. People are increasingly more imbecile, or in their speak: ppl r gettin stupider n lazier.
I had really bad anxiety last night. I just accepted this fact and pretended to have a good time, there were moments when I did feel like I was having a good time and as well I attmepted to not act like a letch. I'm tired of how people act in groups not transferring to how people act as individuals. One of my cunting 'friends' refused to talk about my depression when I opened up to him. My tutor at the time told me: clearly they aren't your real friends. I was very upset at this revelation because I realised the limits of them as friends. They are just people to pretend to be around I was being somehow ironic and cynical in enjoying myself with them, while not conceding my own individuality. I feel that my social personality reflects this cynicism, but not in a way that is entirely negative. I realise people are shallow and genuine people are all around the place.
This is very bad to admit, but I kind of fancy my mate's girlfriend. Not like 'in love' fancy or sexual fancy. I like her personality, she seems smart and down to earth. Perhaps that's her false social persona but I do not think so. Its nice that there are girls like that around. She's also 18, and that's a bit of an issue. When I was 18 I was a mess, but it made me who I am now, for better and worse. What will a well rounded 18 year old be like when she's 24? shallow? conformist? destroyed? perfect?
Time will tell, and in a sense its a narrative of her growth that should happen organically. People develop in their own ways and imposing your own stories upon them is basically tantamount to teaching them your flaws, on the other hand your own wisdom of relevance can be insightful for them. Anyway, I got up late today and now I'm lazily doing things, I've applied to two jobs and I am (for shame) eating my second pack of pork scratchings which cost 39p. On the plus side, I've walked a lot today and I did do about 2 hours of solid dancing, despite being in a club and having body issues.
Last night was interesting. I met some friends in an impromtu meetup and I didn't get (that) drunk. We had dinner at a tapas place, danced in a latin american themed club in oxford street, and then we went back to a house and relaxed a bit. As I may have mentioned in the past, I have a group of friends from sixth from and secondary school and we hang out quite a bit, well over the year at least.
I was with two of them, plus another mutual friend who was the host for the evening at his place. One of the guys had a breakup recently, and he's moved in with this guy. Another few friends of mine from this group from school, were out as well in London, with a pair of girls they've known from years ago and the impression that the friends I was with is that they are pathetic losers. They came from well outside of london to meet with some girls in the (transparent) hope of getting laid. They are so obviously single and looking and try so hard to imperss people. I pity them, but I also understand what its like to be so desperate. I call that, my life in 2006.
I saw their facebook statuses and they were identcal. It goes to the effect of 'had a great time last night: i saw boobs and a guy dressed as [childhood video game character]!'
That represents everything wrong with the western world: telling people about your day as if it matters on facebook; starting a sentence with this truncated enthymeme of 'I' or 'I think'. People use this weird expression of starting sentences like ' hoping this is a good thing', instead of 'I hope this is a good thing'. This family of expressions are incredibly impersonal and casual at the same time. I feel it infects me. People are increasingly more imbecile, or in their speak: ppl r gettin stupider n lazier.
I had really bad anxiety last night. I just accepted this fact and pretended to have a good time, there were moments when I did feel like I was having a good time and as well I attmepted to not act like a letch. I'm tired of how people act in groups not transferring to how people act as individuals. One of my cunting 'friends' refused to talk about my depression when I opened up to him. My tutor at the time told me: clearly they aren't your real friends. I was very upset at this revelation because I realised the limits of them as friends. They are just people to pretend to be around I was being somehow ironic and cynical in enjoying myself with them, while not conceding my own individuality. I feel that my social personality reflects this cynicism, but not in a way that is entirely negative. I realise people are shallow and genuine people are all around the place.
This is very bad to admit, but I kind of fancy my mate's girlfriend. Not like 'in love' fancy or sexual fancy. I like her personality, she seems smart and down to earth. Perhaps that's her false social persona but I do not think so. Its nice that there are girls like that around. She's also 18, and that's a bit of an issue. When I was 18 I was a mess, but it made me who I am now, for better and worse. What will a well rounded 18 year old be like when she's 24? shallow? conformist? destroyed? perfect?
Time will tell, and in a sense its a narrative of her growth that should happen organically. People develop in their own ways and imposing your own stories upon them is basically tantamount to teaching them your flaws, on the other hand your own wisdom of relevance can be insightful for them. Anyway, I got up late today and now I'm lazily doing things, I've applied to two jobs and I am (for shame) eating my second pack of pork scratchings which cost 39p. On the plus side, I've walked a lot today and I did do about 2 hours of solid dancing, despite being in a club and having body issues.
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