Good afternoon.
I spent the morning getting up at 8am lazily, I was awake from 11am to nearly 6am. I want to say it was 'last night' but it wasn't last night really. Within a 12 hour period I feel like I've lived two days of half measures. I spent most of last night trying to sleep, masturbating a bit and listening to an audiobook. I also watched an episode of Skins, that is to say, the new series. It's brilliant, it's so wonderful how they captured Franky's social awkwardness and her introspective yet lonely disposition. I loved how it was a feel good story, and how she had amazing dads (as in gay dads).
I made an impulse buy this week. I bought headphones that costed £70-80 retail but costed less than £10 on amazon, the P&P was about £4.50 and most of the cost was covered by that voucher I obtained last month. Last night I was reliving a lot of memories. Watching Skins reminds me of the past, it's funny because while I was living in Bristol during 'Season 1-3' I never really followed the series. I always felt too 'anxious' to take on new commitments, and watching a tv series seemed like taking on an emotional commitment. I never learned to settle down so I felt uncomfortable. I've leanred a lot since then.
I've been thinking more about writing a story. Not exactly my story. I've lately imagined a new world that I can travel to in my imagination. It's a scary world and most of it reminds me of the past, even though its not my past or my present in this world. There is a 'me' there, but its not the 'me' that I know of. It's an alternate universe me I suppose you could say, and I'm not necessarily sure I like him. I've found this mental world however interesting to live in. I think being reminded of Bristol and lonliness in the past Skins episode brought a lot of feelings back, there's also this sweet metalhead character and he looks funny and (embarrassingly) I see a bit of me in that.
Let's talk about this morning from when I woke up the second time. I went to the gym, I did an induction. It was quite hard, I pushed myself quite hard today and even though I took it easy (I used the wussy weight settings most of the time), I did feel and do feel that I comfortably pushed myself hard. Perhaps today is the start of a beautiful new relationship with fitness. There were quite a few sexy women there, a few MILFs and a few GILFS (That's totally fucked up, I know), I wish I had a photographic memory so I could wank myself off. In the past 16 hours I think I orgasmed 3 times, I am also quite keen on doing a number 4 as well. My bowels are acting up a bit, but that's to be expected considering that I've not had a proper shit since wednesday.
Working out at the gym was refreshing, energising, it was positive. I also feel really drained but like the saying goes: no pain, no gain. I am in for a world of pain before I start getting fit! I hope I can make a positive change. With everything I do in my life there seems to be no results immediately, I've grown used to that and many people find this eccentric and odd. Sometimes I feel there is no hope at all. Perhap this new excercise (excuse the pun) of will shall prove me wrong. I want to go tomorrow, if my body will let me. I've got my second PT session on monday morning. Oh yeahhh.
Also, I've got my febuary shifts in. Not many hours this month. Hopefully this may change.
I spent the morning getting up at 8am lazily, I was awake from 11am to nearly 6am. I want to say it was 'last night' but it wasn't last night really. Within a 12 hour period I feel like I've lived two days of half measures. I spent most of last night trying to sleep, masturbating a bit and listening to an audiobook. I also watched an episode of Skins, that is to say, the new series. It's brilliant, it's so wonderful how they captured Franky's social awkwardness and her introspective yet lonely disposition. I loved how it was a feel good story, and how she had amazing dads (as in gay dads).
I made an impulse buy this week. I bought headphones that costed £70-80 retail but costed less than £10 on amazon, the P&P was about £4.50 and most of the cost was covered by that voucher I obtained last month. Last night I was reliving a lot of memories. Watching Skins reminds me of the past, it's funny because while I was living in Bristol during 'Season 1-3' I never really followed the series. I always felt too 'anxious' to take on new commitments, and watching a tv series seemed like taking on an emotional commitment. I never learned to settle down so I felt uncomfortable. I've leanred a lot since then.
I've been thinking more about writing a story. Not exactly my story. I've lately imagined a new world that I can travel to in my imagination. It's a scary world and most of it reminds me of the past, even though its not my past or my present in this world. There is a 'me' there, but its not the 'me' that I know of. It's an alternate universe me I suppose you could say, and I'm not necessarily sure I like him. I've found this mental world however interesting to live in. I think being reminded of Bristol and lonliness in the past Skins episode brought a lot of feelings back, there's also this sweet metalhead character and he looks funny and (embarrassingly) I see a bit of me in that.
Let's talk about this morning from when I woke up the second time. I went to the gym, I did an induction. It was quite hard, I pushed myself quite hard today and even though I took it easy (I used the wussy weight settings most of the time), I did feel and do feel that I comfortably pushed myself hard. Perhaps today is the start of a beautiful new relationship with fitness. There were quite a few sexy women there, a few MILFs and a few GILFS (That's totally fucked up, I know), I wish I had a photographic memory so I could wank myself off. In the past 16 hours I think I orgasmed 3 times, I am also quite keen on doing a number 4 as well. My bowels are acting up a bit, but that's to be expected considering that I've not had a proper shit since wednesday.
Working out at the gym was refreshing, energising, it was positive. I also feel really drained but like the saying goes: no pain, no gain. I am in for a world of pain before I start getting fit! I hope I can make a positive change. With everything I do in my life there seems to be no results immediately, I've grown used to that and many people find this eccentric and odd. Sometimes I feel there is no hope at all. Perhap this new excercise (excuse the pun) of will shall prove me wrong. I want to go tomorrow, if my body will let me. I've got my second PT session on monday morning. Oh yeahhh.
Also, I've got my febuary shifts in. Not many hours this month. Hopefully this may change.
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