I wanted to take a pause from my schedule just to put a dip into the engine and gauge where I am right now. Presently I am applying for jobs. I am waiting on various things at the moment, some of which I ought to follow up.
1. PhD application
2. Referral back to the Job Centre
3. Receiving my ECDL certificate
4. Results from my Interview yesterday (i know one was a rejection, anyway)
Today I've applied for four things, they are sort of jobs, one internship, one work experience placement; go figure. It's also a very sunny day today and I am slightly inclined to go out for a walk and maybe find an excuse to spend my new money in a small way to comfort myself. Yes, I'm consumer crazy and I feel like less of a person with less spending power. There I said it; in the week when everyone is going crazy over the iPad; an eBook reader for a generation that cannot read.
I've finished a volume of poetry yesterday, and I'm close to finishing my Bertrand Russell. I'm not even close to finishing my book review and on my mind right now is a fixation to go out and do some small purchasing tasks. I'd like to put in some quids in my Oyster card (I like having it with a little more money; I'm presently on £20; maybe I'll put it up to 40). I'd like to buy some more waxing strips and a mud facial mask. I'd love to get a haircut too. I'm very much overdue for a haircut.
Lately I've been delving in the dangerous idea to cut my hair short. Part of me feels that I'd be selling out. Another part of me feels that I'd be buckling to the conformist ways of the employment world. Another part of me thinks: maybe I'm being stubborn and unreasonable, I should just let go of the old me.
I was also thinking about just browsing about town and maybe going charity shopping. There isn't much to do in the part of town I live in. It is just shops, and most of them aren't very good, either. At least when I was little there was a woolworths and next to it a Marks and Sparks; now its a Primark and a fucking t(w)at store that still has the woolworths logo above it. The pound shop that was there closed down. A place has to be pretty fucking bleak for the pound shop to go bust.
Maybe I'll go and browse around Lidl; they always have fun random stuff there like power tools and walkie talkies. Where has my life gotten to if I have to consider lidl as a place to express my consumer niches. I ought to contact the police for next week to let them know if I can make a day or two for work experience. I'll see how that goes. I've felt a lack of emotional energy. You know how there's that spoon theory that talks about having a limited amount of 'spoons' to expound your activities during the day? Well, I have emotional or anxiety spoons. I used a lot of them up yesterday. On the plus side, I am feeling a little more like a human being in that I'm applying to jobs, keeping busy and keeping not only off the booze, but off the pillow (I fuck a pillow for sexual relief, you know).
Gosh, when I say it like that I do sound like quite a loser. Well I admit it, I'm being warts and all honest, talking of warts; I've got these fucking ugly purple spots on my arm that I can't remove. I also need to wax again. Stripping my body hair is a constant battle. I've got a few purple bumps on my chest as war wounds.
Part of me acknolwedges that my ex is hppier than she was with me. If I really care about her, I'll accept that and get on with my life and not dwell. I'm sure sh'ed want me to do that as well. I'm not very good at magnanimity. I suppose life is giving me another challenge.
I know that I'm always a downer on these bloody posts, in this post I'm not a downer. I'm positive. Well, I'm not negative, at least. I'm hoping to get my life back, reach my potential and be 'me' again. Despite my hiccup of eating chinese takeaway earlier this week, and my gin drunkeness last night; I do feel quite energised and refreshed. Today has had its own challenges but I have done a fair amount to make me proud. And I've still more to do. I want a lunch break first though. Mum's made some lovely chicken, mmmmmm.
1. PhD application
2. Referral back to the Job Centre
3. Receiving my ECDL certificate
4. Results from my Interview yesterday (i know one was a rejection, anyway)
Today I've applied for four things, they are sort of jobs, one internship, one work experience placement; go figure. It's also a very sunny day today and I am slightly inclined to go out for a walk and maybe find an excuse to spend my new money in a small way to comfort myself. Yes, I'm consumer crazy and I feel like less of a person with less spending power. There I said it; in the week when everyone is going crazy over the iPad; an eBook reader for a generation that cannot read.
I've finished a volume of poetry yesterday, and I'm close to finishing my Bertrand Russell. I'm not even close to finishing my book review and on my mind right now is a fixation to go out and do some small purchasing tasks. I'd like to put in some quids in my Oyster card (I like having it with a little more money; I'm presently on £20; maybe I'll put it up to 40). I'd like to buy some more waxing strips and a mud facial mask. I'd love to get a haircut too. I'm very much overdue for a haircut.
Lately I've been delving in the dangerous idea to cut my hair short. Part of me feels that I'd be selling out. Another part of me feels that I'd be buckling to the conformist ways of the employment world. Another part of me thinks: maybe I'm being stubborn and unreasonable, I should just let go of the old me.
I was also thinking about just browsing about town and maybe going charity shopping. There isn't much to do in the part of town I live in. It is just shops, and most of them aren't very good, either. At least when I was little there was a woolworths and next to it a Marks and Sparks; now its a Primark and a fucking t(w)at store that still has the woolworths logo above it. The pound shop that was there closed down. A place has to be pretty fucking bleak for the pound shop to go bust.
Maybe I'll go and browse around Lidl; they always have fun random stuff there like power tools and walkie talkies. Where has my life gotten to if I have to consider lidl as a place to express my consumer niches. I ought to contact the police for next week to let them know if I can make a day or two for work experience. I'll see how that goes. I've felt a lack of emotional energy. You know how there's that spoon theory that talks about having a limited amount of 'spoons' to expound your activities during the day? Well, I have emotional or anxiety spoons. I used a lot of them up yesterday. On the plus side, I am feeling a little more like a human being in that I'm applying to jobs, keeping busy and keeping not only off the booze, but off the pillow (I fuck a pillow for sexual relief, you know).
Gosh, when I say it like that I do sound like quite a loser. Well I admit it, I'm being warts and all honest, talking of warts; I've got these fucking ugly purple spots on my arm that I can't remove. I also need to wax again. Stripping my body hair is a constant battle. I've got a few purple bumps on my chest as war wounds.
Part of me acknolwedges that my ex is hppier than she was with me. If I really care about her, I'll accept that and get on with my life and not dwell. I'm sure sh'ed want me to do that as well. I'm not very good at magnanimity. I suppose life is giving me another challenge.
I know that I'm always a downer on these bloody posts, in this post I'm not a downer. I'm positive. Well, I'm not negative, at least. I'm hoping to get my life back, reach my potential and be 'me' again. Despite my hiccup of eating chinese takeaway earlier this week, and my gin drunkeness last night; I do feel quite energised and refreshed. Today has had its own challenges but I have done a fair amount to make me proud. And I've still more to do. I want a lunch break first though. Mum's made some lovely chicken, mmmmmm.
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